


Adjustments

by Nikita



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cooking, Dubious Consent, Full Moon, House Elves, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Mpreg, Potions, Snarky Snape, Violence, Werewolf, fest submission, snupin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:25:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikita/pseuds/Nikita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape is sent to bring Lupin back to health, but the tables are soon turned on the potions master when Lupin learns of a few interesting secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Now Complete.
> 
> This fic takes place a few months after Order of the Phoenix. Written *before* Half Blood Prince, but I finished the story only recently. This fic contains mpreg - fair warning. 
> 
> This fic was written for the Master and Wolf Fest. It answers a specific challenge - I've put the challenge summary at the end of the fic so as not to spoil the story.
> 
> I'd like to dedicate this fic to Juxian Tang whose great fic never failed to make me shiver with anticipation before I had even read a word. She wrote fantastic Snape/Lupin and Snape/Harry stories - if you haven't read her work I highly recommend them.

Severus Snape tugged his robes to drape strategically over his abdomen to better hide the changes in his body. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide his unwieldy bulk. At one time he had worn his robes open over trousers, shirt and vest. A style that, if asked, he would assert was for greater ease of movement, not for the greater billowing effect this provided when stalking towards students, that was just a perk. 

It was a manner of dress that he had worn during all his years of teaching at Hogwarts and a style that had always shown off his rather trim form, which was his one point of vanity amongst the other professors of Hogwarts. He might not be the most handsome of men, nor the most popular…but he was fairly young and fit compared to his older and stodgier colleagues.

But that slender form was no more. 

As he adjusted his robes one last time he felt a sudden push against his hand. Pressing the palm of his hand over the movement he stilled and waited. He was rewarded with another insistent kick and felt the corner of his mouth turn upwards by its own volition. 

It was an exceedingly odd state of affairs he found himself in and yet, no matter how distasteful or embarrassing of a position it was, he still could not bring himself to wholly regret it. No doubt his attitude would change drastically as the event’s climax neared, but for the moment…he was almost content. Or he would be if he were left a moment’s peace.

How like Dumbledore to send him on this fool’s errand. Hadn’t he petitioned for his leave of absence months in advance? Hadn’t he taken great care in selecting the most suitable replacement possible for his position? Hadn’t he done everything in his power to make sure that no one else’s precious convenience was impinged on? Why couldn’t the same courtesy be extended to him in return? 

Snape huffed to himself as he headed along the last path to his destination. Why did Albus insist upon interrupting his peace in this manner? He’d made it quite clear that he needed this time for delicate research and experimentation. The headmaster had assured him that he understood and accepted Severus’ need for seclusion at this time - never mind that Snape hadn’t informed him of the real reason for the sabbatical. 

But then again the all-knowing-headmaster probably knew the truth of his condition. Severus had never been able to slip anything past that wily old wizard before. And as snoopy as Albus was…he must also know all about the conditions under which he got in this situation in the first place. Which must be why he was being sent here in the first place. What better way to punish him for not telling his Headmaster the truth?

Snape steeled his spine and double-checked his wand placement out of habit before entering Number 12 Grimmauld Place once more.

 

X O X O X O X

 

Every day seemed to grow drearier and colder in Black Manor without a living Black left to inhabit it. 

Lupin shivered and wrapped his ragged woolen robes tighter around himself as he shuffled down the stairs. There were still relations of the Blacks who might have been interested in the large house in its earlier days of splendor, but now it sat in neglect…practically abandoned except for its last resident who only lived there out of lack of other options. Sirius’ rather meager will had deeded the house over to Lupin and Harry in the event of his death, but he likely hadn’t really expected either to want to live there. It was mostly a gesture and a need to give his loved ones ‘something’, considering the fact that he had little left to give them after the ministry emptied his coffers.

Not that that mattered…all the gold and property in the world could never replace his lover. He and Sirius had such little time together. All those wasted years of misunderstandings and Azkaban had robbed them of their life together. And this past year they had finally been able to be together. 

Granted, it had been a stressful time and Sirius hadn’t born the isolation well. But it was still time spent together – at least when Lupin wasn’t on one of the Order’s missions. Sirius had clung to him during Lupin’s off time. They slept together, ate together and had sex in every room of the house - anything to help make Sirius feel better - anything to help him feel closer to another living person and to the world outside his dismal childhood home. 

Lupin paused at the threshold of the kitchen as he remembered just how depressed his lover had been during those months before continuing towards the teakettle. Yes, Sirius hadn’t been quite himself the last year, but then again, who was? Voldemort’s return and the actions of the ministry had put a terrible strain on all of them, especially Harry. 

Poor Harry…he had been stuck in that awful muggle house the past summer and he’d been so hopeful to be able to live with Sirius by now. It was such a shame. In another life, another reality, Sirius would have been a good father to Harry. He’d had so much love to give… Remus had looked forward to having a hand in raising Harry as well – the boy was quickly growing up into a man, though. Harry was now sixteen, after all. A bit old to want two new parents and the adjustments that went with a new life like that. 

Lupin stared sadly into his steaming cup of tea. It was too late…too late for Harry to grow up in a stable loving family and too late for Sirius to give him that. Too late for the three of them to be a family…

There was a brisk knock on the front door and Lupin was startled out his reverie. “Coming,” he called and quickly rushed to the front door, wand in hand. 

A quick spell revealed Severus Snape’s identity and the werewolf lowered the wards as he wondered at the potion masters’ presence at his front door. No one in the Order had seen Snape for the past three months – he was supposedly on some top-secret mission for Dumbledore. His substitute at the school, Hector Eneas, was reportedly filling his position adequately, but he was not included in the Order business and they had felt the lack of Snape’s insider information in Voldemort’s circle. Was he finally returning?

The door was finally opened and Snape’s dark stare was focused on his forehead. “Severus, welcome back. Please, come in. Do you have word from Dumbledore?”

Snape stepped past him and into the parlor. “I have no time for chitchat, Lupin. Albus has interrupted my important duties with an inane mission concerning your health.”

Lupin closed the door and gestured for Snape to sit down on one of the dusty, but comfortable, couches as he sat on the sunken armchair nearest to him. “My health? What of it?”

Snape eyed the couch before deftly skirting it in favor of the other armchair opposite of Lupin’s. He sat gingerly, perched as if he didn’t want to stay any longer than necessary, which obviously he didn’t. “I assume my replacement, Professor Eneas, has been preparing your wolfsbane promptly for your changes?”

Lupin nodded, “Yes, I was quite relieved to find that he is adept in making the potion.”

“Do you think I would allow an inferior potions master take my place in my duties during my absence?” Snape retorted with a sneer. 

“Of course not, Severus. He’s been quite competent in taking over your potions and teaching duties. The Order has missed your other talents, however.” Lupin knew it was futile to hope Snape would take the compliment as intended. 

The potions master sneered at this. “Yes, I’m sure you’ve all pined for my presence these past months. I’m not here to listen to platitudes, Lupin. Describe your symptoms so we can get on with it.”

Remus sighed and looked down at his hands, “Well, I suppose I have been a bit rundown…”

“You have a gift for the understatement – you look like hell,” Snape snapped. Remus glanced up in surprise as Snape continued on in a business like manner, his eyes sweeping over his form with calculating disdain. “Your skin is gray, your face is thin, and the bags under your eyes are quite pronounced. You look ill – not that you were ever a picture of health to begin with. Have you been taking the potion on time and as directed?” 

“Of course. It works the same as always…though I suppose I feel the effects of the change a bit more. It takes longer to recover and I don’t seem to have much energy…” Lupin shivered, “And I can’t seem to get warm.” 

Snape nodded absently, his expression distracted. He shifted once in his seat as if uncomfortable. Lupin watched as the potions master’s hands made an aborted movement towards the front of his robes, long pale fingers nearly touching the black cloth before jerking back to the arm chair once more. “I shall ask Professor Eneas for a sample of the potion to test for anomalies. I should also observe the effects of the potion on you during the change.”

It was now Lupin’s turn to shift in his seat, uneasy at this news. “You will? Does this mean you will be staying? Here?” 

Snape glowered as he rose from his chair. “I’m no happier than you are, Lupin, but it is necessary. Dumbledore wants you in full form in order for you to complete your duties. Now if you will show me to my rooms…”

Lupin ended up putting him in the room he considered Harry’s. It was one of the more nicely furnished rooms and the most private – situated in the furthest point of the house away from the shrieking portrait of Mrs. Black before returning to his own room. 

It was the same one he’s shared with Sirius and it was still made up exactly as it had been the day Sirius died. The sheets and coverlet were clean, but the rest of the room was a bit grimy and the dim light coming through the window shown on the floating dust in the air. Lupin sat on the bed and stared at the chest of drawers across the room. The mirror above it had several pictures stuck in the frame. He and Sirius had dug up an old box in the attic from Sirius’ school days and the pictures depicted young Remus, James and Sirius flying brooms, playing tricks and sticking their tongues out. 

The one that always caught his eye these days was the one of just the two of them. Sirius was sneaking up behind a studious looking young Remus about to drop a slug down the back of his robes. Remus sat and stared at that mischievous younger version of his lover. Sirius had been so young…so full of fire and life…so carefree. So unlike his final years. 

He stood and walked over to the mirror, pulling the pictures out and shuffling them in his hands as he walked back to the bed. Lying down, he spread them out in his hands once more. There were no images of Peter here – Sirius had destroyed any trace of the traitor from his photos. Just as Remus had destroyed the family tree tapestry downstairs – and any trace of the more evil remainders of the Black family.

 

X O X O X O X

Snape paced his temporary bed chamber with increasing agitation. He was stuck here for as long as it took to nurse the bloody werewolf back to health. How nauseating to be playing nursemaid. And in this house of all places. But it wasn’t like he could take Lupin back to his own home; the nosey git would probably sniff out his secret in minutes. 

This line of thought brought him to another problem at hand…Lupin’s sense of smell. It would be growing stronger as it neared the full moon – he’d have to do something about that. He pulled his trunk out of a pocket in his robes and set it on the floor to enlarge back to normal size. A flutter of wings at the window distracted his attention; a large raven was perched on the windowsill.

“About time, Mordecai. I have two messages to go out immediately.” The raven cocked his head to the side in acknowledgement and watched as his master restored his belongings to normal size before pulling out a quill and parchment.

The first note was for Dumbledore. 

//Having arrived and assessed the situation as we discussed - I concur that the subject is indeed ill and the situation *may* require my presence and attention. I will stay until I am satisfied as to the outcome of the next cycle before returning to my leave in expectant solitude. SS//

The second message was to Prof. Eneas requesting a sample from his new batch of wolfsbane and notes on previous batches of the potion. Mordecai left with the messages with all due haste and Snape returned pacing his room with unease. 

The room was abysmally small and the windows were far too large, letting in a great deal of light. He hated it – hated this room and its red curtains and red duvet. He longed for his dungeons at Hogwarts or his rooms at home. 

Quiet. 

Dark.

Safe. 

This room was too exposed. He reached out and closed the curtains with a sharp tug and spun around to look at the room again. The curtains might be red, but at least they were a dark red and they shielded the light out and veiled the room with shadows. 

Better. 

 

XOXOXOX

 

The next few days before the full moon were spent in relative quiet and avoidance between the two occupants of Grimmauld Place. 

Lupin found that Snape was all too happy to stay out of sight in his room or in the kitchen when Remus wasn’t there. Exactly *what* Snape did, he wasn’t sure, but the man sure knew how to sink into the shadows of the old house. 

The only hint of his presence was the meals left on the stove for him to eat. It seemed as if the other wizard took his charge to look after his health seriously. Nutritious, strength-fortifying soups and stews were left steaming in large pots with terse written instructions to ‘Eat!’ Otherwise Snape kept to himself.

As for him…he returned to his old behaviors as quickly as he’d risen from them. He dreamed of Sirius at night and sifted through memories and wasted opportunities during the day. He did some work for the order, went through papers and did research for Dumbledore on occasion - there were a great many useful tomes in the Black library – but mostly he had all too much time on his hands…time to dwell on things past.

It was only on the day of the full moon that Snape finally approached him during one of these bleak moods. Lupin was ensconced in one of the large dragonhide chairs in the main study when the potions master appeared in the doorway. 

“Professor Eneas’ potion has arrived and I can find nothing wrong with it, nor with his process, he followed my notes to the letter.”

Remus hastily closed his book and sat up at Snape’s voice. “Oh…then I guess it’s just me, then.” He wedged the book into the chair cushion before standing up to face the other man.

Snape nodded, his eyes traveling around the study, studying the bookshelves. The study had once been Sirius’ father’s and it contained some rather Dark books and knickknacks. “Indeed…it is possible that your chemistry has been altered by repeated exposure to the wolfsbane or that your transformations have somehow effected your health. I will have to monitor your status during and after the change.”

Lupin watched him closely, but Snape showed no sign of finding this an uneasy prospect. Still, he knew the other wizard must have been dreading this occurrence. There was a long silence as both men contemplated the long night before them and the strength it would take both of them to face it.

“All right then…I’m going to go take a nap. I don’t usually get much sleep on these nights.” He left Snape behind in the study as he headed up to his room and therefore didn’t see when the potions master pulled his book out of its hiding place.

 

XOXOXOXOX

 

As the evening wore on, the wolf grew stronger within him. His senses began to sharpen and his restlessness increased until Remus could no longer lie still in the bed, but instead threw off his covers and paced the room. 

He hated this – had always hated it. Only his friends in school had made this time bearable, joining him in their own animagus forms. After school he’d been on his own for many years without company during the nights of the full moon. But then he had come to live here with Sirius and Sirius had taken his old role once again – joining him in the basement of the old house. Together, the two canines had romped the rooms or slept curled up into one large huddle of fur. Sirius had made it bearable once more. But since his lover’s death – he’d returned to the old dread and hatred of the change with even greater intensity than before.

Lupin paced, waiting for night to draw closer. The wolf would soon take over his body and mind, but not his control at least – he could thank the potion for that.

There was a knock at the door and as if he had read his mind, Snape entered with the potion at that very moment.

“It’s time, Lupin. Here is the potion.”

“Thank you,” Remus murmured as he took the goblet and drained it as quickly as he could. The burning feeling in his throat and stomach took his attention for a few moments as he fought the familiar struggle to settle his stomach before he vomited it back up. When he finally felt that the potion would stay where it should, he opened his eyes and handed back the goblet.

It was only when the foul potion smell was gone from the room that Remus realized there was another, equally strong smell coming from the man before him. It was an odd combination of smells; garlic, cloves, and some other unidentifiable strong odor assaulted his nasal passages as he wrinkled his nose in disgust. Merlin, but the man stunk.

“Something wrong, Lupin?” Black eyes glittered as they stared back at Remus and he had the distinct feeling that the other man was thoroughly enjoying his reaction to his odor.

“Yes, you stink,” Remus answered bluntly, “Couldn’t you have bathed before coming in here from whatever it is you were doing?”

Snape’s eyes narrowed to slits as he glared at the werewolf, but there was still an unusual glint to the man’s eyes. “The time is drawing near, Lupin. Perhaps you should show me where you normally go during the change.”

Lupin did so without grumbling, but only because he was trying to breathe through his mouth. He led the way down the back stairs into the large cellar, lit with candles and largely empty except for a few overturned empty crates. 

As he turned around to face the man entering behind him, he suddenly realized he was about to appear naked before those scornful, critical eyes. 

“Er…this is where I normally change – plenty of room to run around…”

Severus sat down on one of the crates and crossed his arms, wand in hand. Lupin continued to stare at him, hands fidgeting at his sides.

“Are you waiting for something, Lupin?”

His ears burned, but he still didn’t move to undress. Perhaps he should demand Snape leave until the change was complete.

“Only moments left ‘til full moon, Lupin. If you don’t want to tear those worthless robes to shreds, I suggest you disrobe. Unless you have something to be embarrassed about…” 

The mocking tone made him grit his teeth and rip at the closures of the garment. Bare as an egg and shivering in the cold, he lifted his chin up defiantly, looking the other man straight in the eye.

One black eyebrow rose, but other than that there was no response. Before Lupin could say a word, the change was upon him and he was grinding his teeth once more, this time in pain. Try as he might, he still could not resist one hoarse scream as his bones snapped and ground together, shifting form and muscles. His eyes were clenched shut, but he sensed the magical barrier that Severus must have put up between the two of them without opening his eyes.

Finally, as the final shudder ran through him, he opened his eyes and looked up at the tall human standing before him. Wide eyes stared down at him and there was a faint scent of fear noticeable just beneath the potent herbal stench. For a moment he was tempted to bare his teeth and get a little of his own back, but he resisted and instead sat on his haunches and opened his mouth to let his tongue loll out: a picture of innocence. 

Apparently the harmless act worked for Snape slowly relaxed his stance and lowered the magical barrier between them.

“So…was the transformation the same as usual?” There was a faint quaver in the man’s voice and Remus felt his anger drain a bit. Watching the change must have been a terrifying thing for Severus…it was quite brave of the man to do so. 

Lupin nodded his head in answer to the question and then got up and took a step toward the potions master. Snape took a sudden step backwards, but then attempted to cover his action by sitting down on the crate behind him, his hand still nervously clutching his wand.

‘It’s all right,’ he thought to the other wizard as he took another cautious step forward, his tale wagging slightly. He continued to approach the nervous man until his nose was touching the covered knee before him. Nudging it slightly, he then sat down next to the crate, content to sit there near the warmth of another living being. He still missed Sirius’ presence. If Padfoot were here they’d be racing around the room, knocking crates over and nipping at each other playfully. 

Snape simply pulled out a small journal and quill and began to take notes. It was quiet and still in the room and only the flickering of candlelight seemed to offer any interesting stimulation.

After a few moments, Severus snapped the book closed and tucked it back into his robes as he stood up. “I guess there’s no further need for my presence until dawn.”

Lupin’s head shot up at those words and he found himself whining before he realized the sounds were coming out of his own throat. He stopped as soon as he realized it, but couldn’t help the pleading look he knew was in his eyes. It was horribly pathetic, but he couldn’t stand the idea of losing what little company he had…

Snape seemed irritated by his actions, but instead of leaving he sighed heavily and began shifting another crate next to his own against the wall. Without a word, he lay down on the hard wood with his arm tucked under his head and closed his eyes.

Happy that the other man had decided to stay, Lupin curled up on the floor next to him and soon felt his eyes grow heavy as he joined him in slumber.

Hours later, he had no idea just how many, Remus woke and stretched. There was a soft sigh next to him and he turned his head to see Snape still asleep, his mouth slightly open and his brow smooth and wrinkle free. He looked like a small child, his thin lips were pink and soft and one arm was still safely tucked under his head as the other trailed over his stomach, hand flat on top of it.

As Lupin looked at the arm, he became aware of something distinctly ‘wrong’ about what he was seeing. He stared harder at the spot where the hand lay and tried to discern just what exactly was bothering him. There was a fuzziness to the black cloth beneath the hand – a wavering in the lines and folds of the robe…something that signaled a magical discrepancy. 

A charm of some sort? He wouldn’t have noticed it in human form, but his wolf form sometimes lent him a sixth sense about these things. Without a wand or a human voice, he couldn’t break the charm, but the fuzzy image gave his mind plenty to wonder about. Just what ‘was’ Snape hiding?

Not only was there the charm, but that horrible odor – the same odor that bothered his nose even now. Glancing up at the sleeping man’s face, he shifted closer and sniffed the man’s robes. The stench was terrible, how the other man could stand to live with it was beyond him. But as he took another careful sniff…he began to notice another smell just beneath it. Curiosity peaked; he leaned in still closer, his nose millimeters from the black cloth covering the torso sniffing delicately. It was something…earthy. Not soil, but something sweeter…something disturbingly familiar. But just what it was he couldn’t pinpoint. 

There was a sudden snort and Remus jumped back just in time before the black eyes flew open and caught his gaze. 

“What’re you staring at?” Snape grumped. “Go fetch a ball or something.”

 

With morning came the change and Lupin woke in his usual heap on the cold floor of the cellar. He opened tired eyes and saw that Snape was sitting on the crate once more, scribbling in his journal. At Remus’ movement he looked up and closed the book and stood.

“I assume you would rather sleep off the effects in your bed if you can manage the stairs now.”

Lupin nodded and struggled to his feet. His robe slid off his body as he did so and he realized that Snape must have covered him sometime after he’d changed back. The trip up the stairs was as difficult as it always was the morning after, but it was with unexpected gentleness that Snape took his elbow after the first step and supported him up the flights of stairs to his room.

Alone and curled up in his delightfully warm bed; he sleepily pondered the secretive and unpredictable Severus Snape. 

The next two nights of his transformation were spent the same. Snape watched the transformation take place and took notes quietly in his journal as Remus sat quietly nearby, watching him. When the potions master finally fell asleep on his makeshift bed of crates, the wolf would creep up and press his nose to the man’s robes, trying to decipher the odd smell beneath the potent herbal ones that failed to fully conceal it.

 

XOXOXOX

 

Remus woke sometime past noon the day after his final transformation. His body ached terribly as it always did – his joints popped and creaked as he stretched and climbed out of bed that Snape had helped him into hours before. Even the soles of his feet hurt as he put weight on them. Lately he had been spending the days after the full moon in bed – not bothering to get up until the pain and weariness faded, but he knew that Snape was prowling around somewhere nearby and that fact alone was enough to get him up.

There was no response to his knock on Snape’s door, but he opened it anyway. The room was empty, but he couldn’t resist taking a look at the room that the other man was occupying – curious as to how such a secretive man lived. The curtains over the windows were drawn tightly shut so not a sliver of light escaped them and the bed was as neatly made as it had been a few days ago. Only a pair of boots set primly at the foot of the bed gave evidence of anyone staying in the room – there were no stray garments or books laying about. Either Severus was terribly exacting in his tidiness or paranoid enough to leave no trace of his habits and activities. 

Remus next checked the study and library, but both were empty and he began to wonder if Snape had left all together. A thought that filled him curiously with a feeling of disappointment – he was getting used to the other man’s presence it seemed. It was only as he neared the kitchen that he caught a whiff of brewing potions from under a closed door just off the kitchen. He knocked on the door and quickly let himself in at the irritated, ‘Enter or go away!’ from within. 

Remus stood watching quietly as Snape continued to stir a simmering cauldron without looking up at him. The potions master had turned the small room into a makeshift laboratory complete with numerous bottles, cauldrons and a large chopping block. The room was hot from the steam rising from the various boiling concoctions on the burners, but Snape still wore his outer robes closed and his hair unbound; the greasy tendrils covered his face from view.

“What is it, Lupin? I’m a bit busy as you can see.”

“Uh, yes…I just wondered if maybe you wanted help? I’m not so good at brewing, but perhaps I could chop or-”

Snape tilted his head up for a moment and sneered. “I’ve no need for mangled roots and beetles, thank you. I have the task well in hand.” 

Lupin nodded in response, but Snape was no longer paying attention to him as one of the bubbling liquids had begun to pop noisily and required his attention. Remus found his eyes roving over the other wizard’s robes as he pondered the odd impressions he had had as the wolf the past three nights. What was Snape hiding? 

The earthy smell…the fertile, almost female scent on the other man…was Snape seeing some witch secretly under his roof? Remus remembered how Snape’s room hardly looked like he occupied it, much less a woman. And other than Snape, he hadn’t smelt another person’s presence in the house. Perhaps the man wore a love token of some sort? It was odd to think of Snape having a romantic relationship with someone. 

Would that be something Snape would want to keep a secret, though? Perhaps. Other men would boast of a love affair, but Snape seemed to actively encourage his reputation for being callous and uncaring. If it became known at the school that Snape had a girlfriend…well, the gossip and jokes would be embarrassing to the man, obviously. 

It was an interesting possibility and he considered it as he watched Snape work, wondering at the identity of the witch. The potions master, meanwhile, was busily attending the cauldrons and seemed to have forgotten his presence. It was a chance he couldn’t pass up…pulling out his wand; he quietly muttered the incantation to break the charm on Snape’s torso. 

The spell was a simple ‘notice-me-not’ charm and easily broken. The slight tingle of magic being done on his person obviously startled Snape and the man jerked back, looking down his person. Lupin had only seconds to see what the charm had concealed when there was a sudden explosion on the table as the nearest cauldron erupted.

Lightning reflexes and the fact that his wand was already out and ready were the only reasons Remus was able to shield Snape from the shower of boiling liquid as he lay on the ground stunned.

“Severus! Are you all right?!” He rushed to the prone man and with a growing panic and guilt. It was his fault that Snape had been distracted – possibly even his own magic had upset the temperamental potion’s stability. Merlin…what had he done?

“I’m FINE, no thanks to you!” Snape viciously tore his arm out of Remus’ grip and pushed himself to his feet with the help of the table leg. A quick spell cleaned up the mess and there was a new cauldron replacing the ruined one within moments. Lupin watched all this quietly as he felt his panic fade slowly, grateful that the accident had been so minor, though he still felt guilty for what he’d done. At this thought his eyes quickly returned to Snape’s midriff. Had he really seen what he thought he’d seen?

Snape turned at that moment and looked down to where he was staring, seeing the broken charm. Instead of getting angry, as Lupin might have expected, there was a sudden look of horror as he stared down at the robes that had parted slightly after his tumble. Lupin stared at the same spot, not in horror, but in complete wonder. He reached a hand out cautiously, to touch it…

“What do you think you are doing?!” Snape batted his hand away and jerked his robes shut with one motion as he glared at him. 

Lupin was oblivious to the glare as he continued to stare at the bulge that was all too noticeable now that he’d broken the concealment charm. Snape’s robes were dark and billowing, but the outline was still noticeable. 

“I’m - I’m sorry, Severus. I was just - how is it you are pregnant?” he finally blurted out. There was a long silence. 

Just as Remus was sure he wasn’t going to answer Snape drew himself up to his full height, and said with great dignity. “The men of my family have the magical predisposition towards pregnancy, though it frequently skips a generation or two.” he then turned to inspect one of his potion bottles with extreme interest.

Remus felt a small smile tug on his lips, “And you didn’t think you had that predisposition, did you?” 

There was no response. 

“So who is the lucky fellow who knocked you up?” He couldn’t help it – the situation was just too funny.

Snape, unsurprisingly, didn’t share that opinion. Slamming the potion bottle onto the table with unnecessary force, he turned back to the cauldron simmering before him with a swirl of his robes. “THAT is most definitely none of your business. I’ll have a restorative potion for you by the end of the day – IF you leave me to my work. Get out.”

Appropriately admonished, Remus left. He was so busy mulling contemplating the mystery of Snape’s secret lover and his unborn child that he didn’t even notice when Mrs. Black screamed at him as he passed her portrait on the stairs.

 

XOXOXOX

 

The door was closed and Lupin was long gone, but Severus still felt as if there were eyes on him. There were no portraits on the walls of the pantry he had appropriated, but he still found himself scanning the shelves and cupboards for prying eyes. He felt horribly exposed. 

Trust a Gryffindor to stick his nose where it didn’t belong – the bloody werewolf still acted like a Marauder. He must still be snickering about it in his room. Probably planned to announce it at the next meeting of the Order. 

And that was what truly upset him – not that he would be laughed at, but that the secret was out now. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This couldn’t possibly have happened… The one thing he tried so hard to avoid. The one thing he feared most right now - and it was all Dumbledore’s fault. 

He finished the potion and set it to cool for drinking. 

One hand went to his mid-back as the ache grew intolerable after too many hours standing. He rubbed at the spot as best he could, but it was obvious that he needed to lie down. His ankles were swollen, too. The indignities of pregnancy…

Cleaning up his mess, he then poured the potion in a goblet and headed up the stairs for Lupin’s room. He’d leave it for the werewolf and rest in his own room before sending another note to Dumbledore. He’d done his duty and was ready to go home – let the old coot send someone else to nursemaid.

He knocked briskly on the door and entered without waiting for a reply. Lupin looked up from a thick book in his lap as he sat in a chair by the window.

“Drink this and eat something afterwards if you experience nausea.” Snape set the goblet down none too steady and the contents sloshed, but he was beyond caring. He ached abominably…

“Severus, wait!” Lupin rose and crossed the room before he could close the door. “I’m sorry. I behaved dreadfully earlier and I never should have intruded on your privacy like that. And performing magic on your person…well, I am doubly sorry for doing so considering your condition. I hope you can forgive me.”

Severus paused and then nodded jerkily, trying not to grimace as the pain grew. Apparently it was obvious for the other wizard suddenly looked concerned.

“Are you all right, Severus? You look dreadful…perhaps you should sit down?”

“No, I was about to go to my room-”

“You look ready to fall down any moment. Here, sit…” Lupin’s hands were urgently tugging on his arms and he found himself reluctantly giving into the other man’s insistence. 

The chair was still warm from Lupin’s body and he found that oddly comforting. A sigh escaped his lips before he realized it and he clamped his lips shut to prevent any further embarrassing noises from escaping. Lupin noticed, though and gave him a tentative smile.

“Better? Should I fetch some tea? You shouldn’t be working this hard – all those meals you’ve been making for me…and the potion…”

“Oh sit down and shut up, Lupin. Quit hovering, I’m perfectly fine.”

Lupin gave a relieved snort at that and plopped down on the foot of the bed, as it was the only other padded surface around. “Yes, well…still, you shouldn’t have been taking care of *me*. I’ll owl Albus and tell him-”

“You’ll do no such thing.” Snape glared at him, but it was tempered by his own tiredness. He draped an arm carefully over his stomach and closed his eyes for a moment. 

If he could just get a moment of rest…

“Severus? I took the liberty of scrounging up some references on wizard pregnancy in the library as I wasn’t all too familiar with the occurrence…”

And apparently he wasn’t going to get it.

Lupin continued, “…and I found it is not a commonly discussed subject because it is so rare. There are a few interesting Dark hexes and potions that are associated with it, however.”

There was a pause. Long enough that Snape finally lifted one eyelid to look at him. “Yes…?” he prompted in what he meant to be a dry voice, but he feared it came out rather tired instead.

Lupin leaned forward earnestly. “And so I wanted to let you know that I understand your desire for secrecy because of it. I won’t tell anyone.” 

Snape didn’t believe a word of it, but he closed his eye once more and tried to capture some semblance of peace.

“However…”

Damn the man…

“Does Albus know?”

Severus sighed and opened his eyes for a moment. “I haven’t told him, but there is precious little that escapes his attention, now is there?”

Lupin smiled at that and chuckled. “Too right.”

Snape felt his lips twitch in answer, but it was repressed easily enough and he rested his head against the cushions once again and closed his eyes.

“But what of the baby’s father?”

Severus jerked his head up and opened his eyes to glare at him. “What?!”

Lupin had the grace to look sheepish at his response, but persisted. “I meant…the ‘other’ father, rather. The one that…” he made an exaggerated gesture to Snape’s belly. “Does he know?” 

That was the last straw. Heaving himself out of the chair was harder than he’d reckoned with, but he managed to get up and head towards the door with sufficient speed. Lupin was nattering on about the question behind him, but he was oblivious to the words – his only thought was to leave the room and seek his rest elsewhere. 

Reaching his room he quickly slammed the door behind him and warded it before settling down on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

 

XOXOXOX

 

Remus stared at the door that had been slammed in his face several moments earlier. He thought back to his abysmal attempt at an apology with regret. First he apologized for intruding on the other man’s privacy and then he interrogated the man on the very same subject. What had happened to his social skills, anyway? Not that he’d ever been much of a people person. Not like James or Sirius, but he used to know how to hold a conversation. And his tongue. He was acting horribly. Is this what happens to a person that is shut up alone in a house for too long? Is that what happened to Sirius? 

No, he really couldn’t blame it all on being stir crazy. The fact was he’d always been fascinated by Snape. As a student, Severus had always been a mysterious and secretive child. Remus often wondered just what was going on behind the inky eyes and thin-lipped scowls. There was no doubt of his intelligence – he’d competed with James, Sirius and Remus for top marks in all of their classes. It was obvious that he studied and enjoyed his schoolwork, but at the same time his personality was the polar opposite of James and Sirius. 

Those dark eyes watched everything around him and his prickly exterior kept anyone from getting close. Anyone approaching him with friendship was quickly shot down with a few well-aimed barbs on their inadequacies. He never seemed to have any friends. He was a loner. And in that respect he interested Lupin. 

Remus, on the other hand, had had friendships. He’d been close friends with the other Marauders and he was pleasant to other students and his professors. He always made a concerted effort to be friendly, courteous, well mannered and polite. In short, he’d done everything he could to put others and ease. For he had always felt outside of normal society – he was a werewolf and as such – he was an outsider and something to be reviled. He had to hide any hint of his nature and try his best to blend in.

But he had still been a loner many ways. James, Sirius, and even Peter had been his closest friends, but even they did not truly understand him. They had done their best…included him in their pack, kept his secret when they discovered it, and became animagi to keep him company. But even so, they had never truly ‘known’ him. Never really understood the fear he lived with about being discovered, never comprehended his feeling of being ‘different.’ And they never understood how much he resented those feelings.

As for Severus Snape, he wasn’t a werewolf and he certainly wasn’t friendly or polite, but in other respects he was a lot like Remus feared he could be. He was reviled as Remus would be reviled if his secret were known. He had no friends. No allies. No one cared if he was picked on. And, most importantly of all, he didn’t even ‘try’ to make friends. He never cow-towed to others or put on a false politeness. He did everything that Remus was afraid to do. 

And that both fascinated and scared him. What would he have done if he hadn’t had the Marauders? If his secret had been known? If he’d had to live with the boldfaced loathing that came with it in wizard society? Would he have been as strong? As uncompromising? 

Or would he have continued to bow and scrape to others…desperately showing his belly in the attempt to please?

Lupin growled at that thought and looked down at the book in his hand. Self-pity never did anyone any good. Whatever choices or mistakes he’d made in the past were over and done with – he should leave them behind and quit brooding.

And what he ‘should’ be focusing on was apologizing – really apologizing – to Severus for what he’d done. He was only pushing the man farther away from him and that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

What he really wanted to do was help Severus – one thing that he’d learned in his hurried studying was that male pregnancies were very high-risk and dangerous for both wizard and child. Of the few reported male pregnancies, nearly half lost the child before birth. He needed to minimize the stress and physical exertion as best he could.

Well, the first thing he could do was follow Snape’s orders by taking his potion and making some dinner. He was sure the other man needed to eat as well – after all, wasn’t he eating for two? He hurried down to the kitchen and surveyed the ingredients and staples there. Where had all this food come from, anyway? There were hams and chickens, sausages and lamb chops, an assortment of vegetables and several loaves of bread. Where they expecting to feed an army? The Order rarely used the house for large meetings anymore. And when had Snape had all this delivered, anyway?

Lupin stared at the food for several long moments as he tried to think of something fairly simple and nourishing to make – he wasn’t a gourmet cook by any means, he’d lived alone far too long and with limited means. He thought back to the stews and soups that Severus had made for him – the man didn’t seem to have exotic tastes or expectations either – his food had been simple fair, though spiced well and extremely nourishing. Probably the best thing for a pregnant person, anyway. 

An hour and a half later he put the finishing touches on the tray and carried it carefully up the stairs to Snape’s door. The door bristled with wards and there was no immediate answer to his careful knock. He was just about to set down the tray and leave when there was a muffled curse and the door suddenly swung open. 

“What do you want, Lupin?” Snape glared at him from within the doorway, he looked even more haggard than when he’d left Remus’ room earlier.

“I made some dinner – bit late, but I thought you might be hungry.” Remus held up the tray complete with steaming bowls of soup and thick French bread. 

There was a brief moment of hesitation before the door opened further and Severus gestured brusquely for him to enter. Feeling both nervous and triumphant, Lupin hurried in and set the tray down on the bedside table. The room was just as neat as it had been before, but there was a slight mussing of the sheets and an indentation where the other man must have laid. 

“What is it?” 

Lupin glanced up and saw that Snape was hovering by the door as if unsure if he were going to stay. 

“Cock-a-Leekie soup - one of the few things I know how to make.” He held out the bowl and spoon with a small smile. 

Snape stood where he was, but his nose twitched and his gaze was directed on the steaming bowl offered before him.

“Go on, I won’t bite.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed, but he took the bowl without a word and perched on the edge of the bed. Lupin felt his own smile threatening to grow further so he took his own bowl and settled on the small chair on the other side of the room and pretended to be engrossed with his own food as he watched the other wizard with hooded eyes. 

Snape sipped the soup delicately at first as if deciding whether it was edible. Apparently it was for he quickly followed the first taste with a heartier appetite. The soup disappeared quickly enough and the potions master was soon reaching for the bread on the tray as well. Lupin watched all of this with contained amusement and pride. He must have let it show, however, as he soon found his scrutiny returned. 

“What are you so smug about?”

Remus shrugged and returned his bowl to the tray alongside Snape’s empty one. “Just glad you liked it. I wanted to return the favor after all those meals you made for me. I’ve really appreciated your help, Severus.”

Snape seemed surprised, but covered it with his familiar sneer. “I never said I liked it. You haven’t the slightest idea how to season, it was nearly tasteless.”

“I see. Then I guess you don’t want any more?” Lupin picked up the tray and headed towards the door.

“I didn’t say that, either.”

Remus snorted and soon returned with a second bowl of soup, which the pregnant man quickly began to wolf down without a word. Sitting down on the chair once more, Remus watched in silence for a few moments as he considered his next words carefully. He was hesitant to speak at all, but he knew the matter needed to be addressed properly before he could rest easily. Steeling his resolve, he cleared his throat.

“I wanted to apologize -- properly this time. I didn’t mean to interrogate you before- ” 

Snape’s spoon paused in mid air, but he didn’t look up. 

Lupin plowed on ahead, speaking rapidly, “Especially not on something that is, as you said, none of my business. I can’t imagine what you are going through. But I do understand your desire for secrecy and… I worry. I only hope that you have someone to help you through this. Someone you can trust. Having said that, I will not question you on the matter again. Only know that if there is anything I can do…you have only to ask.”

At those words, Lupin stood and walked to the door.

A soft voice halted him at the door. “The father is dead. He never knew.”

Remus turned back, but Snape was eating his soup once more with absorbed interest, ignoring him. Remus searched for something appropriate to say. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, and closed the door behind him.

 

XOXOXOX

 

The next morning Remus woke feeling better than he normally did so soon after the full moon. He hurried down to the kitchen, hoping to make breakfast for both them both, but found that Severus had beat him to it and there was a steaming bowl of oatmeal waiting for him.

“You didn’t have to do that, Severus. I would have made breakfast.”

Snape looked up from a pot he was stirring and sneered. “I don’t need your mollycoddling, Lupin. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself – and my duty right now is to take care of ‘you.’ Now sit down and eat before it gets cold.” He then turned back to the stove and continued to stir.

Remus sat obediently and began to eat, but noticed that his bowl was the only one in evidence. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

“No.” Potion-stained hands continued to stir the large pot on the stove.

Lupin reached for the small bowl of raisins on the table to add to his oatmeal. “You’ve already eaten? You certainly are an early bird.”

“I’m not hungry.” Snape continued to stir, but his motions seemed rather erratic. 

Remus frowned around a spoonful and swallowed quickly. “You should eat something-”

Snape whipped his face around with a look of extreme irritation, “I don’t need lectures on health from you of all people. I’m. Not. Hungry.” Snape gave him a final glare before turning back to the stove, but his knees suddenly buckled and the spoon clattered on the ground as he caught himself on the counter.

Remus leapt to his feet and helped the taller man to the closest chair. “Are you all right, Severus?” His heart was racing as he looked at the pale face before him – Snape was always rather sallow, but there was an unhealthy green tinge to the skin that worried him. 

Snape waved him off with one hand as the other clutched his stomach. “I’m fine! I just lost my balance.”

“You don’t look fine. You look like you’re going to be sick,” Remus observed with not a little concern.

Snape’s black eyes glared up at him with pure malice, but any verbal abuse he may have spewed was held back by tightly clenched lips as his face turned greener.

Remus grabbed the nearest empty bowl and held it before the sick man as he rubbed the hunched back in gentle circles. “Breathe, Severus…it’s okay…just focus on breathing in and out.” He talked softly as he continued to rub until there was a gradual easing in the other man’s shoulders.

With a shaky breath, Snape lifted his head finally – looking relieved at having been spared any actual retching. 

“Are you okay now?”

Snape nodded silently and set the bowl back on the table with a sigh. “Better. Just bloody morning sickness.” But he continued to sit there rather than stand again. 

Lupin set the pot aside and put out the flame. The simmering liquid seemed to be a simple anti-nausea infusion so he poured a small bit into a cup and set it down in front of Snape as he continued to stand anxiously next to him. “Maybe you can manage a bit of that now. Do you want some bread?”

The potions master eyed the cup warily, but picked it up and took a cautious sip. After the first taste he closed his eyes and waited, but it seemed inclined to stay down so he took another sip. Lupin watched him slowly drain the cup before setting it down. One pale-fingered hand rested on the swell of stomach and Remus found his gaze drawn to it. 

He was startled when Snape spoke.

“Seven months.”

“What?” Lupin blinked and lifted his eyes guiltily to the other man’s face. Snape was staring right back at him, but his face no longer contained hostility – more like grim humor. 

“You were wondering how far along I am - seven months. Seven LONG months, actually.” He shifted in his seat and tore chunks of the bread Remus had given him and stuffed one in his mouth and chewed. Swallowing, he gave a small sigh and looked up again. “Morning sickness usually fades after the first few months, but I seem to be one of the lucky few that keeps it.”

Remus gave him a sympathetic smile and sat down next to him, careful not to invade too closely into the other man’s space. “Must be difficult.” He wanted to say more. That Snape was brave to go through it alone…and that he shouldn’t have to, but it was impossible to say so without opening up the whole secrecy issue once more. 

Snape was looking at him oddly, before Remus could attempt to decipher the expression, the other man cleared his throat. “Yes. Well, I have things to attend to.” The pregnant man stood with a bit of difficulty, placing one hand at his back to support the weight in front. 

Remus watched the kitchen door close with a sense of loss.

 

XOXOXOX

Severus left the kitchen as quickly as he could and headed straight for his room. He needed to get out of here – the house was becoming altogether too small for him. Merlin, how he longed for his dungeons back at Hogwarts…those familiar walls and his private laboratory. But that was impossible. He could never return there. His only refuge was his own childhood home, which – though he’d never liked it much growing up – was still his and his alone.

He longed for that solitude. Being around Lupin was driving him insane. The bloody werewolf wouldn’t leave him alone. Just now in the kitchen – he’d been so close, hovering. And he’d touched him again. Helped him into a chair and rubbed his back. Those hands had felt…good. Too good. Being touched like that was opening desires and cravings he didn’t care to think about. 

“Bloody hell!” he snarled as he paced the room in irritation. He’d call Mordecai and send his final notice to Albus this instant and pack his trunk. Lupin was on the mend and if Snape brewed a few more restorative potions for him to take – surely the werewolf could handle taking those alone. 

Severus could leave today if he hurried.

XOXOXOX

With Snape holed up somewhere in the house for the rest of the day, Lupin found himself wandering the house without a purpose. None of the books in the library or study captured his interest so eventually ended up in his room with the vague idea of tidying. The room was just as dusty and unkempt as he had left it…or rather how Sirius had left it. He really hadn’t straightened the place once since that day…it really wasn’t healthy behavior and he knew it. He picked up a few robes from the chair by the window and looked at them. They were Sirius’ and when he held them up to his nose…they still smelled like him. No…he wasn’t ready to get rid of them. The very idea scared him. But he could put them away at least, right?

He walked over to the wardrobe and opened it, revealing an assortment of empty hangers. Hadn’t Sirius ever put his clothes away? Lupin’s own lay in his trunk at the foot of the bed, put away with care. Of course, Lupin had always had to take care of his clothes – he rarely had money to replace them. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to have kept up his childhood habit of taking clothes for granted. He’d grown up with enough pocket money to replace his school robes regularly back then and he’d gone through them quickly enough with all of his physical activities and pranks. Apparently his troubles during adulthood hadn’t managed to improve that attitude.

Lupin shook his head at his lover’s obstinate ways and hung the threadbare robes on the wooden hangers with care. Once done, he decided to poke around in the drawers below and see what Sirius ‘did’ keep in his wardrobe. The first few drawers he opened were empty and he was reminded that this hadn’t originally been Sirius’ room, but a guest bedroom and so it was unlikely he’d find anything of interest anyway. He was just about to give up when the final drawer handle he tugged on refused to budge. Curious, he jiggled the handle and then examined it closely. It was locked.

Pulling his wand out, he tried ‘Alohomora,’ but it still didn’t open. He ran though all the more advanced locking spells he could think of before he finally remembered one of Sirius’ favorite lock spells and the drawer popped open revealing a shallow stone basin heavily decorated with runes. A Pensieve.

Remus stared at the swirling silver contents with growing excitement and dread. The bowl was obviously an old heirloom – the Black family motto was emblazoned on the side: ‘Toujours Pur’. The Pensieve may have belonged to anyone in the Black family and could contain memories from more than one ancestor, but the fact that it was locked in a room Sirius had been using and with his favorite locking spell made it highly likely that it contained at least a few of Sirius’ memories. 

Remus stared at the contents and wondered if he dared look into them…Sirius had kept it secret and hidden it, after all. But as he stared at the silvery threads, he felt his curiosity and his need grow. He missed Sirius terribly. Missed talking to him, laughing with him…sharing experiences. He and Sirius would never share an experience again…except perhaps in dwelling in the Pensieve. Lupin would be able to observe and share his lover’s memories and even see him again – as close he would ever come to seeing him in the flesh once more.

His hand was touching the silvery mass in the bowl before he was consciously aware of it – there was a sudden sharp tugging sensation and a swirl of black as he was pulled into the Pensieve. He landed with an almighty thump that he knew would leave a bruise and realized he was sitting on the floor of the kitchen. Remus was climbing to his feet when he noticed two pairs of black boots under the table. 

“I told you: he’s not here. Leave the potion and get your greasy hide out o’ my kitchen.”

Remus slowly stood and was greeted to the sight of his now-dead lover drunkenly clutching a glass of firewhiskey as he leaned heavily on the kitchen table. A slight movement of black cloth caught his eye and Lupin looked over at the owner of the other pair of black boots. Snape. The potions master was looking more trim and austere than he had when he’d seen him this morning. Both men had looks of extreme distaste on their face as they eyed their nemesis across the room. 

“Drunk again, Black? What a wonderful role model you are for young Potter. If only your friend could see what a fit guardian you make for his only son.”

“Shut up, Snivellus! There’s no one to stop me from hexing you this time – get out of my house!”

“As if you could even find your wand in this state. You’re a disgrace. No wonder Albus can’t trust you with the simplest of missions…”

Sirius’ face turned a mottled red at that. Lupin was well aware of just how much of a sore point the whole issue had been with his lover and how much Severus delighted in pushing his buttons. Still, he could hardly fault all of Snape’s observation when Sirius fumbled clumsily for his wand, his coordination hindered by his inebriated state.

“Expelliarmus!” Snape shouted as he pointed his own wand. 

Sirius’ wand went flying as he was catapulted backwards to land on the china cabinet with a terrible crash.

“Fucking bastard!” Sirius was up and tackling Severus with a sudden rush. Snape had no time to react as twelve stone of maddened wizard slammed into him. Both men scrabbled for the advantage.

Remus watched helplessly – wishing desperately that he could intervene before one of them was seriously injured, but it was pointless – it was just a memory. Sirius’ memory and one that he had removed. Why? Had something terrible happened? Snape didn’t seem to be suffering from any permanent injury and he wasn’t aware of any scars or limping from Sirius before the veil…

His thoughts were interrupted as the struggles and sounds suddenly changed from the two men on the other side of the room. Curious, Lupin walked over and listened closely. Sirius was holding Snape pinned against the wall and had suddenly stilled, his body pressing the potions master against the wall. Lupin noticed a sudden triumphant sneer blossom on Snape’s face.

“Frustrated are we? What's the matter, Black? The werewolf not interested in- "

"Shut up!" Sirius growled and when Snape opened his mouth again he lunged forward and thrust his mouth upon the other man, shutting him up physically. 

Lupin could hardly call it kissing, Sirius was doing his best to force his tongue down the other man's throat and while Snape didn't seem to be biting it off, he didn't seem to be enjoying it much either. Snape pushed at Sirius' shoulder, struggling against his weight. Sirius ground his hips against Snape's in response and pinned both slender hands up over the potions master's head with his own. Rather than anger the potions master – it seemed to suddenly spur a response in him and it was his turn to ravage Sirius’ mouth, giving as good as he’d gotten and more.

Both men moaned and humped each other with increasing urgency. With a sudden movement, Sirius broke the kiss and yanked Severus away from the wall and onto the kitchen table, bending him backwards so that he lay like a sacrifice. Only then did Sirius let go of the other man’s hands as he tore at the black robes, exposing shockingly pale white skin. Snape’s own hands tore at the fastenings of Sirius’ charcoal robes and soon both were naked and writhing on the tabletop.

Remus watched in horror as his lover thrust into Severus with abandon - his face was suffused in animal lust and triumph. The sounds of slapping flesh and grunts from both men filled the room. He didn't want to watch this...he didn't want to see this...didn't want to witness this horrible volition of his trust and love...

And yet - he couldn't turn away. Couldn't summon the strength and energy to release himself from the Pensieve and deal with the aftermath of his knowledge. And so he stayed. Watching.

Sirius continued to pound away; his face flushed a dark dusky red with the effort in which he was pounding away. It wasn't sex...it wasn't even fucking...it was a violent act. But Snape wasn't protesting and he was far from being passive. His hips bucked and pushed back with every thrust – driving each movement with violent force. Black hair that had curtained his face soon turned sweaty and matted as strands clung to his face in sticky tendrils. His eyes were clenched shut, Lupin noticed, and his mouth moved in half formed words – nothing that Remus could make out.

And as soon as it started – it was over. With one last triumphant roar, Sirius thrust deeply and clenched his hands tight around Severus’ bony hips and was followed quickly after with Severus’ own shout.

Sirius pulled out and slumped on the table on his side as both men struggled to catch their breath. Within seconds, Snape sat up and grabbed his wand from the pile of robes next to him. Remus noticed Sirius tense, but there was only a muttered cleansing spell before Snape began to pull on his clothes. He dressed silently and efficiently and without a glance – left the room. Sirius lay on the table and stared at the doorway where Snape had disappeared before slowly looking down at his own body still smeared in come and sweat – a look of growing horror blossomed on his face at the realization of what he’d done.

There was a sound from the front door and Sirius suddenly stood up with a whispered ‘Remus!’. Hurriedly, his lover cleaned himself with a scouring spell and reached for his robes.

Remus turned from the sight – he’d seen enough. There was a powerful tug upwards and he landed back on the floor of guest room with the Pensieve in front of him. The swirling strands of silver glinted back at him, but the very sight sickened him. What else had Sirius hidden from him? He remembered that evening when he’d come home from running errands. His wolfsbane potion had been waiting for him on the kitchen counter and Sirius had been rather tight lipped when he’d asked him about Snape bringing it by. Had it happened more than the once? Not likely – he’d been there every other time Snape had brought the potion and there’d be little excuse for the two to be alone other than that.

So perhaps it ‘was’ just a one-time thing. A mistake, if Sirius’ look had been anything to judge by in those final moments before he’d heard Remus at the door. He’d loved Sirius so much…

He didn’t want to hate his lover…he wanted to be able to understand what had happened. Wanted to confront him and express his anger and his hurt. And he couldn’t – Sirius was beyond such confrontations.

But Severus wasn’t.

 

XOXOXOX

He found Snape in the library where several books were spread out on the table before him. A glance showed that they were the same books Lupin had looked through when he’d first found out the other wizard’s secret. Remus spared a moment to wonder if Severus was more nervous about the pregnancy than he let on, but his thoughts quickly turned to what he’d come to say.

“I know about you and Sirius.” He’d meant his voice to be cold and even, but it came out rather high and cracked. Remus swallowed, trying to regain control.

Snape had been making notes in his leather journal. At Lupin’s words his writing halted, but he quickly began writing again without looking up. “Excuse me?” His own voice was unruffled - distracted. It didn’t fool Remus for an instant.

“You heard me. I know about you and Sirius – I saw it.”

The quill was thrown down and Snape finally looked up at him. His face was placidly composed, but his eyes showed a glint of fear. “What are you blathering about, Lupin? I’m trying to work. Unlike some people.”

Remus felt the anger building in him, how could the bastard come into his home – the one Sirius and he had shared and pretend nothing had happened? “Don’t you dare deny it! You two had sex! On the kitchen table of all places! Don’t you dare deny it! He left his memory in the Pensieve! 

Snape’s face drained of what little color it had. Then, slowly, spots of red blossomed on his cheeks as his face twisted, but still he didn’t say a word. 

Lupin was surprised to find his hands were shaking. “Why didn’t you tell me? That’s Sirius’ child isn’t it?” his voice was quiet now, but he was far from calm. 

Snape suddenly exploded, standing up as he slammed his palm down on the table with a loud bang. “What do you want me to say, Lupin?! That he fucked me? That he cheated on you? That he was drunk? That he mad? I saw his eyes, Lupin…it wasn’t just the alcohol - he was crazed, I know the look!” Severus’ voice suddenly dropped to a harsh whisper, “My own mother had that look in her eyes in the end. She spent the last of her days in St. Mungo’s stark raving mad. Maybe it was this house, or maybe it was Azkaban…no man can stay there that long and leave sane. All I know is that it is over and done with. It doesn’t matter,” he said firmly.

There was a long silence as both men struggled with their emotions. Finally, Remus spoke up again. “You realize you carry the last of the Black line, don’t you? Your child should inherit this house. Sirius would have wanted that if he’d known-”

“Known what? That he’d left a love child with me?” Snape sneered, one hand clutching at his belly. Lupin noted that the gesture was rather protective. “Black thought nothing of the consequences of his actions. The story of his life. He never envisioned this result of his madness and even if he had he never would have let a child that was half a Snape inherit anything of his. He would have avoided his own child like the plague rather than admit the other half of its parentage.”

Remus shook his head viciously at that and slammed his own fist down on the tabletop. “No! I won’t have you say such things of him! I can’t defend his actions during his last few months living in this place, but you cannot say that Sirius didn’t care for his own! He loved Harry like his own child and we once talked about adopting a child of our own one day.” 

He struggled to keep talking, tears were running down his cheeks, but he barely noticed. “Family was important to him. He never really had one of his own, but he wanted one. He vowed to do better by his own children than his family did to him. He never would have turned his back on any child of his – you and Sirius may not have gotten along, but he would have found a way – some way to support and help raise his child the best he could. I know Sirius…he was a good man. Not perfect, but a good man, nonetheless. Same as you.”

Severus stood there, stunned, his mouth slightly open as he continued to cradle his stomach. Lupin snorted and wiped at the wetness on his cheeks before shaking his head again, this time in sorrow. 

“Problem is…you two were just too bloody alike. Proud, arrogant and unwilling to bend. If you’d just been able to step outside yourselves…see your similarities and work past your animosity… Maybe not. Perhaps you were meant to be as you are. Well, you’ve both paid for your arrogance, haven’t you?” he sighed, feeling exhausted.

The last comment seemed to finally pierce Snape’s shock. Drawing himself up to full height, he dropped his hand to his side and lifted his chin in defiance. “You’re in no position to lecture me on shortcomings. You are wallowing in your own self-pity and grief. You want to know why you are sick? You don’t get enough sun, exercise or nourishment. You spend all day moping after your dead lover like that will bring him back somehow. Which, perhaps, you are planning to do?” Snape pulled a leather-bound book from a shelf behind him and slammed it on the tabletop. It was the book he’d been reading in the study when Severus had brought him the wolfsbane potion the first night: ‘Necromancy: An Obsessive Study by Mordred Quincy III.’ 

Lupin stared at the book in shock. He’d had no idea Snape had found the book in the chair. “It’s not…I found it on one of the shelves in the study one day…it’s not…” he trailed off as he continued to stare at the book. 

“You have no business mucking about in such a dangerous subject on some melodramatic whim of fancy.” There was a pause before Snape continued in a quieter voice, “You’ve studied the dark arts almost as much as I have, Lupin…you know there is no bringing him back. You would only raise a soulless being…and far more trouble than you could imagine. Let him go, Lupin.”

The room grew silent except for the faint crackling of the fire. Remus continued to stare at the book, though he no longer saw it. His vision was turned inward as he thought for the first time what Sirius would want him to do…to focus on the future and his happiness. Snape was right – there was no bringing his lover back. His grief was destroying him and his selfishness was endangering the Order. It was time to let Sirius go.

He lay in bed that night as images sounds from the Pensieve played over and over in his head. The thrusting hips, the bowls falling from the table. White skin bared in sharp contrast to black fabric…Sirius grunting and coming with a roar as Severus’ tossed his head back and came with a shout: “Remus!”

XOXOXOX

There was an awkward truce between the two men the next day as both decided to ignore the issues brought up during the confrontation the day before. Snape informed him that as there was no evidence of anything wrong with him besides exhaustion and nerves he was no longer needed and would take his leave of him that day. 

Severus’ raven sent the message on to Dumbledore as the potions master packed his trunk and bottled the last of his restorative potions for Remus’ use. Lupin was at a loss as to what to do – he dreaded Severus’ departure, but he couldn’t think of a way to make the man stay or even tell him of his regret. 

Snape was eager to go and had just shrunk his trunk and headed towards the door when the raven flew in with a message. Severus reached for the note, but Mordecai deftly avoided his hand and flew over to Remus’ shoulder and held out his leg importantly.

Severus scowled, but waited as Lupin read the note quickly.

//Remus,

I am delighted to hear that your health is returning as best as can be expected. I fear that your solitary presence at Black Manor may have hastened to your ill health and suggest that a change of location is in order to hasten your healing. I do believe that Snape could use some assistance in his personal research, especially as he has been delayed long enough from it during his stay with you and I feel it would be mutually beneficial if you were to accompany him to his home at this time. Perhaps you will have the opportunity to return the favor he so recently bestowed upon you. 

A.D.//

Equal measures of relief and annoyance warred for dominance as Remus handed the message to the impatient wizard beside him.

“What?!”

Apparently Snape had no such trouble. Remus shrugged at Severus’ demanding glare. “I’m no happier than you are, Severus…just show me to my rooms.” He grinned at Snape’s resultant glare. 

XOXOXOX

It was revenge – pure and simple. Albus was exacting his revenge on Severus’ secrecy by making him spend even more time with the werewolf and this time in his own home! Severus waited as Remus packed his trunk and fumed over just ‘why’ the headmaster was offering up his house as a holiday getaway for the wretched dark creature.

The provided excuse was an utter lie – even if Dumbledore did want Remus out of the house, there were plenty of other places for him to stay and people who would welcome him into their homes. No, the real reason must lie in Albus’ need to keep tabs on him and his pregnancy. Likely the nosey bugger wanted him to have another wizard nearby during the labor. As if Lupin would be much help should things go wrong. Male pregnancies carried far more dangers than normal ones and the birth itself was tricky. 

Well, damn the man and his meddlesome self. He’d decided early in the pregnancy that he would either handle it himself or fail – he didn’t want anyone’s help. Much less Lupin’s. 

Snape was mightily tempted to simply Apparate without the other wizard, but he knew that Albus would take stronger measures should he prove obstinate. Likely show up at his door with a whole medi-wizard maternity unit to deliver the baby.

“Ready!” 

Severus looked up to see Lupin bounding down the stairs with a smile and more enthusiasm than he’d seen displayed in Snape’s entire stay at Black Manor. Perhaps there was something to be said for Albus’ official reason as well.

XOXOXOX

Remus was surprised by the sheer size and richness of Snape Manor – it made Grimmauld Place look like a shack. 

The main hall dwarfed the two wizards as they entered the front door. Lupin trailed after the pregnant man as he tried to take in all that he was seeing. Large tapestries decorated every wall and brightly colored Persian rugs littered the floors beneath his feet. There was no trace of the dust and neglect that plagued Black Manor – the floors gleamed and the expensive vases and magical artifacts gracing the shelves and tables were polished to a high shine. Obviously someone took great care of the place.

“Are you going to gape around all day or are you coming? There’s someone I want you to meet.” Snape led him through a series of halls and doors until they came to a large room with many portraits and statues. There, a small house elf was dusting industriously until it was startled by Snape’s throat clearing.

“Master Snape, you is home.”

“Lupin, this is Frizzy.” Snape nodded gravely at the house elf and Lupin was surprised to see an equal graveness in the house elf’s demeanor as it nodded back. “Frizzy is prepared to nurse and raise the child here with Dumbledore acting as godfather. Once I tell him, that is.” 

This caused Remus to tear his eyes away from the solemn elf and turn to Snape in surprise. “You’re planning to leave the baby to be raised alone by a house elf?”

Snape ignored his outburst and dismissed the elf, which hurried off to prepare their rooms.

Alone once more, the other wizard’s eyes averted from his gaze and turned to look up at the large portraits of Snape ancestors adorning the walls. “Many wizards of the most noble houses are brought up by house elves to a certain age. My own mother was rarely present at our house – she traveled with my father. I was raised by Frizzy’s mother, Mimsy.”

“But, wouldn’t you rather raise your child yourself? Are you planning to go back to spying so soon?” Remus suddenly wished he could reach out and touch Snape without being rebuffed.

Snape closed his eyes briefly as if in pain. “I must. The Dark Lord will be expecting my return and a promised potion in his hand in 4 months. That is how I have bought my time away from his presence – with the belief that I am developing a powerful poison for him. One that will kill all mudbloods, but spare the pure.” The last word was said with a derisive snort.

“What will he do when you fail to bring the potion?”

Snape looked him levelly in the eye and answered smoothly. “He will kill me. He does not accept failure, especially one this large.”

Lupin stared at him in growing horror. “You’re going to go back just to be executed?! What good will come of that? Dumbledore wouldn’t let you-”

“Dumbledore may think what he likes, but my usefulness as a double agent is quickly coming to an end. There is no way around my failure to the Dark Lord and he will know of my treachery if I fail to return to him.”

“But you would be safe at Hogwarts! Or you could go into hiding-”

“And when he discovered it was all a ruse – that I never planned to make the potion at all…he would wonder *why* I was in hiding all this time. He would find out about the child and that I carry the genes for wizard pregnancy – it is a powerful trait and quite useful in a number of ways in dark magic. I don’t fancy carrying the Dark Lord’s off-spring or some other form of demon. And I can’t risk the child’s life, either. If the child is a boy he could carry the genetic trait…or at the very least he or she could be used to wage a petty revenge on me.” 

Severus looked down at his belly and placed a hand gently on its curve. “No, I shall go back to the Dark Lord and tell him I cannot brew the potion. I will die and this incident will remain a secret.”

 

XOXOXOX

Dinner was served on the finest china and crystal. His wine glass was filled with a delicious red wine while Severus’ held cold milk. Neither man spoke during the meal; only the clink of silverware disturbed the silence of the large dining room. 

Snape ate with great gusto, cleaning his plate twice while Remus picked at his own – the food tasted like ashes in his mouth and what little he did manage seemed to stick in his throat and threaten to choke him.

Severus then bade him a good night and disappeared down one of the large halls as another house elf led him towards his room in the guest wing. He tossed and turned in the large bed all night, unable to rest – his mind in turmoil. 

Snape couldn’t go back to Voldemort for his death. That was no answer. It was a waste of human life and that of a child who would grow up without a living parent. Another orphan made because of this bloody war that would not end and an evil monster that would not die.

The injustice of it all burned within his gut and made the wolf within him snarl and tear at the sheets with clawed fingers and sweaty palms. It wasn’t right…it wasn’t fair… 

He couldn’t lose another person he cared for.


	2. Chapter 2

_Harry,_

_I was glad to receive your owl last evening, as I have been feeling rather guilty at being so out of touch with you lately.  The truth is that I needed a break from the house and Mrs. Black’s not-so-pleasant voice for a little while.  I am currently visiting with a friend who isn’t feeling very well.  I will be sure to write you again soon to discuss our plans for Christmas week – keep up your hard work in your classes and don’t forget that these last two years of study are the most important for your future as I’m sure Hermione has told you and Ron repeatedly.  Good luck to the three of you on your exams…_

_Remus_

 

Remus stared at the parchment before him in frustration.  It was only three weeks to Christmas and he still hadn’t broached the idea of spending the holiday with Harry to Severus.  He had originally planned to go to Hogwarts to visit Harry in a neutral setting rather than at Grimmauld place where it would be difficult to summon much Christmas cheer.  But now…what was he going to do?  He couldn’t leave Severus alone on the holidays (much less pregnant and alone) and Snape was still insistent that he would *not* be persuaded to set foot outside his house until after the birth.  Which left asking Severus if he could invite Harry to visit them in Snape’s home.

 

It wasn’t something he looked forward to doing.

 

 

XOXOXOX

 

 

Breakfast was usually a quiet affair; Remus didn’t understand why they even bothered with formality of sitting down in the dining room for a large meal when Severus usually ended up only nibbling on toast and sipping at weak tea.  He’d asked once and the only reply was a terse, ‘tradition.’  Snape certainly wasn’t much of a morning person. 

 

Be that as it may, Lupin decided to risk broaching the idea of Christmas over sausage and eggs the next morning.  “I received an owl from Harry last night – he was worried when Fed and George Weasley tried to visit me at Grimmauld Place a few days ago.  Apparently he asked them to check in with me.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“I told him not to worry, that I’m visiting a friend…”

 

Severus turned a page of the Daily Prophet without responding.

 

“And that I’d have to owl him back later about plans for the holidays.  What are your plans, by the way?”  Remus kept his head bent over his task of buttering his toast, but he sneaked a peak to see that Severus’ mouth had tightened at his question.  It was the only reaction he got.  “Well, I was thinking it might be nice to spend the holidays together…the three of us, that is…”

 

The Daily Prophet was taking the brunt of the abuse as Snape stilldidn’t speak, but instead rustled the pages loudly as he finished it.

 

Deciding there was nothing to do, but forge ahead, Remus took a deep breath and continued, “So since you probably don’t want to go to Hogwarts for Christmas…”

 

“No.”  The word was clipped and cold.

 

“…I was hoping you might let me invite Harry here.”  Severus finally looked at him and Remus was surprised to see that he didn’t look angry, but rather wary as he put a hand on his belly – it was getting larger by the day, it seemed and it was only seven and half months along.  What would he look like by the end?

 

“I thought you understood that this must be kept a secret.”

 

“I do – you could hide the pregnancy again as you did before.  He won’t be able to smell the difference or sense the charm like I did.  It would only be a few days.”

 

Severus sighed deeply and looked down at his half-finished toast on the plate before him.  “I was under the impression that Christmas was only one day.”

 

Remus sensed the imminent capitulation and turned his tone to wheedling.  “Oh, come on, the day before and after are just as important.”

 

Snape pushed the plate away and heaved himself up from the chair.  “Very well, but I don’t understand why you can’t simply go to Hogwarts *without* me.”

 

Thrilled to know that he’d gotten his way, Lupin smiled and shrugged,  “I doubt I’d be let back through the wards again if I left.”

 

Severus snorted.  

 

“Perceptive,” he muttered as he left the room. 

 

 

XOXOXOX

 

 

With his guest hurrying away to write another owl, Snape decided to work in the greenhouse for the rest of the morning.  His pregnancy had reached the point in which he could no longer safely mix potions, not even the simple restorative potions he’d made for Lupin several weeks ago.  Luckily the werewolf seemed to have regained his health and no longer needed them.  Severus’ own sense of uselessness at his inability to do potions had frustrated him to the point where he was now resorting to herbology in order to keep busy.  It was a fairly pleasant and mindless task into which he could safely pour his restless energy and frustrations.  He found the simple act of pruning and watering to have a restorative effect on his peace of mind. 

 

Putting on his thick boots and outdoor cloak, he trudged across the snow towards the small building not far from the main house.  Creeping vines and thorny plants welcomed him in the moist heat of the greenhouse – a pleasant change from the cold air outside.  The faint earth magic that glowed within kept the plants at the right temperature and humidity. 

 

Severus restlessly looked around for a task to do, but soon realized that his refuge was not soothing his mind that day.  Banging a pot onto the rough wooden counter, he gritted his teeth in anger.  What on earth had he been thinking to allow Lupin to invite The Boy Who Lived into his house?  He’d far rather suffer the _cruciatus_ curse repeatedly while having his fingernails ripped out and salt poured into the wounds than spend the holiday with the insolent brat for *three* bloody days. 

 

And yet he’d caved without so much as a protest.  Was he going mad?  Had the pregnancy hormones finally addled his brains to the point that he’d go along with such a horrible plan simply because Lupin’s pleading hazel eyes had looked hopefully into his own as he’d asked and he’d felt any drop of his own will melt away at their warmth?

 

The sheer intensity of his anger surprised even himself – his hormones ‘were’ getting the best of him.  If it really bothered him this much to have Potter in his house then he could simply go to Lupin right that instant and tell him he’d changed his mind.  It was ‘his’ house after all.  But just as quickly he remembered the look on Lupin’s face when he’d acquiesced.  Did he really have the strength to put up with Lupin’s kicked-puppy look when he reneged on the holiday? 

 

Looking though the window at the silhouette of the house he sighed heavily and sat down on the stool next to him.  Staring morosely at the pot of soil before him he admitted that no, he couldn’t. 

 

Damned hormones.

 

XOX

 

Remus woke each morning at Snape Manor with greater spirits and comfort than he had ever known at Grimmauld Place.  The house elves worked hard at keeping the place warm and cheering and as he left his room one morning two weeks before Christmas, he noticed that the house elves had been putting particular effort in decorating for the holidays.  Fresh boughs of pine and holly decorated the banisters and mantels that he passed on the way to the dining room and spicy gingerbread wafted from the direction of the kitchens.

 

Harry, with approval from Dumbledore, had accepted his invitation to spend Christmas with him at his ‘friend’s’ house and Remus hoped that the pleasant surroundings of Snape Manor would help soothe the upcoming surprise of their host’s identity.  Harry’s attitude towards the potions master likely hadn’t improved since the last time Lupin had seen the two together, but he hoped that Harry would be polite.  Snape, for his credit, hadn’t grumbled about the upcoming visit at all.  Of course – the other wizard had seemed rather preoccupied in his greenhouse of late. 

 

 “Good morning, Severus,” he said cheerfully as he sat down next to him at the table.  A large plate of eggs appeared before him as he lifted his napkin.

 

“That is some people’s opinion.”

 

Remus looked up to see that Snape was faintly green as he contemplated Remus’ eggs over his own cup of tea and toast.  “Sorry.  I could eat in the kitchen if it bothers you so much.”

 

“No.  Just hurry up and eat them, will you?”  Snape turned back to his folded copy of the Daily Prophet while Remus dug into his food.  As he finished, Remus pushed his plate aside and turned his attention to his own cup of tea.  His plate promptly vanished.

 

“Your potion should be arriving within a few hours,” Snape said quietly without lifting his eyes from his paper.

 

“Yes…I suppose we should discuss where I’ll change.  Is my room sufficient?”  Remus tried not to let his disappointment seep into his voice.  He would most certainly be alone for this transformation without the excuse of his ill health this time.  He so loathed those lonely nights as a wolf trapped in a room to pace alone.

 

Severus looked up just as Remus was looking out the window longingly.  “You could roam outside if you wish…the grounds are protected by nearly as many wards as Hogwarts and there are no pesky students in the way out there.”

 

Lupin felt an excited thrill at the offer and smiled mischievously.  “You don’t mind if I eat a rabbit or two, then?”

 

Snape grimaced and shrugged.  “If you can contemplate eating one raw while of your own mind in wolf form – help yourself.  Just don’t tell me the details after.”  With that the potions master pushed out of the chair with a  groan and shuffled away, presumably towards his precious plants.

 

 

 

That evening, after his potion had been drunk and the sun was setting, Lupin stood in the middle of the lawn and waited.  He was waiting until the last moment to remove his robes.  A cold wind made him clutch the fabric tighter, but he wouldn’t mind the temperature as much as a wolf.  Remus tried to think back to the last time he’d been able to wander freely around in the forest during a change.  Not in  many years – after school he hadn’t had his friends around every month and after James had died and Peter and Sirius…well, those times had been far darker than he preferred to remember.  He’d locked himself up every month during those years and afterwards, at Hogwarts as a professor – that was the first time that the wolfsbane potion had been available to him.  But still he’d had to stay within his quarters ‘just to be safe.’ 

 

If it hadn’t been for that night he’d forgotten his potion…that was one night he’d run through the forest.  But he couldn’t remember that night – or any other night with the Marauders in school and he and Sirius hadn’t been allowed on the property around Black Manor, either.  So this was the first time he’d be under the influence of the wolfsbane AND allowed outside in safety.  It was an experience he relished having.  He only regretted he had no one else to share his excitement with.

 

The moon rose and the light hit his form the moment he disrobed.  The familiar pain gripped him, contorting his body until it settled into the wolf form, panting beneath the full moon.  The scents and sounds, already loud to his sharpened senses suddenly became more meaningful and urgent.  He stretched his limbs and then leapt forward, bounding through the snow towards the distant scent of prey…

 

It was a marvelous experience to let the wolf do as it wanted while still present in human mind.  He would have laughed with delight if possible – how much he’d missed all these years!  Some time later a sound from the main house made him pause in his frolicking and he noticed a black form walk out into the snow.  Severus!

 

He raced to meet the human without a thought to how threatening this might seem to the wizard.  Severus watched him with wide eyes, but didn’t flinch as Lupin came to a halt several feet away from him.  Sitting down on his haunches, Lupin let his tongue loll out as he panted, showing he meant no harm.

 

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself…catch any rabbits?”  Snape’s voice was dry, but amused as he observed him.

 

Lupin licked his chops and smiled inwardly as Severus rolled his eyes. 

 

“Of course – never mind you ate three helpings of lamb stew at dinner.”  Severus shivered and tucked his hands within his sleeves.  His round belly was noticeable even under the heavy woolen robe.  Remus wondered at the man coming out in his condition this late at night.

 

“I thought…I thought I’d see if you wanted to come in yet…it’s rather cold,” he said finally as if answering Remus’ thoughts. 

 

It was unusual to hear such a timid tone from the man and Lupin was curious as to why.  He stepped closer and then followed Severus as the wizard walked back towards the house.  He was a bit reluctant to go in so soon, but the warmth of the house soon welcomed him back in.  He noticed that Snape was carrying a bundle under his arms as he walked down the hallways with him – it was his robe wrapped around his boots which he’d left out in the clearing.  He followed curiously as Snape walked on until they came to a door he hadn’t been to before.

 

Silently, Severus waited for him to enter the room before closing the door behind them and walking over to a fireplace.  A quick spell and a fire burst to life within the confines.  It was a bedroom, or rather, Snape’s bedroom.  There was a dark gray coverlet on the bed and several bookshelves lining the walls.  A large armchair stood before the fireplace which Snape had settled into as Lupin had looked around the room. 

 

As he watched, Severus pulled a book off from a small table next to the chair and began to read, ignoring the werewolf’s presence.  Now what?  Snape had brought him inside to stay in his room and then ignore him?  It didn’t make sense…unless the potions master was lonely?  Had he gotten used to spending the full moon with Lupin enough to seek him out? 

 

It was a rather incredulous thought – but a pleasant one.  Deciding to enjoy the warmth and company, Remus moved onto the rug in front of the fireplace and circled three times before dropping down to rest.  Propping his head up on one paw he looked back up at Snape in time to see black eyes dart back down to the book.  He felt pleasantly tired from his excitement outdoors and his own eyes slowly drifted shut to the sound of turning pages and the faint crackling of the fire.

 

 

XOXOXOX

 

 

He woke to the usual pain in his joints with a faint groan.  His limbs felt leaden and it was difficult to raise his head.  It was only when he finally managed to do so that he realized he was in a bed – a rather comfortable one at that.  One occupied by another person.  Turning his head to the right, he came face to face with Severus Snape.  Black tendrils of hair obscured the other man’s eyes, but the nose was unmistakable. 

 

What was he doing in Snape’s bed?  He thought back to the night before and couldn’t remember anything past falling asleep on the rug.  Surely Snape hadn’t lifted him up in his condition?  At that thought, the large swell of black robes drew his eyes.  It wasn’t often he got this good of a look at Snape’s belly without a glare or acidic comment. 

 

It was fascinating to look at, though – so incongruous on the male form and yet…there was something beautiful about it.  Inside that swell was a human life – a mixture of Sirius and Severus both.  A child that would likely have black hair and pale skin.  He wondered if he or she would have blue eyes or black, a large nose or a small one, a love for pranks or for potions…  So many possibilities.  Remus stared reverently, his fingers reaching out to touch it before he even realized it.  The soft texture of the robe and then the warmth of the body within made him smile. 

 

There was a sudden snort from the other man and Lupin snatched back his hand as if scalded.  There was a tense moment while Remus waited for a shout, a threat or a wand pulled on him, but as the silence wore on he realized that Severus was still sleeping.  Deciding not to tempt fate again, he pulled back to his side of the bed and simply watched the other wizard sleep.  It had been so long since he’d been in bed with another man – Sirius had snored terribly and hogged all the covers, frequently driving Remus to sleep in another room.  Snape, by comparison, was rather quiet and peaceful, his breathing deep and even.  Remus longed to brush back the black hair that was flopped over his forehead. 

 

He must have drifted off again as the next time he woke the bed was empty and the potions master was nowhere to be seen.  He climbed out of the bed and realized he’d been naked in Snape’s bed the whole time.  His own garments still in the tidy pile where Snape had left them on the dresser last night while Lupin was still in wolf form.  Which meant that Severus had lifted him off of the floor, probably through a levitation charm, and deposited him in the bed naked before climbing in fully clothed next to him.  The act seemed both intimate and platonic at the same time – an odd mixture that seemed to characterize their relationship since Snape’s arrival at Grimmauld Place over a month ago. 

 

Deciding to confront Severus on what had happened, Remus hurriedly dressed and went down to breakfast.  Only to find the dining room empty.  A house elf popped into existence at his side, “Master Snape said for Nimbly to wait for Master Lupin to wake before serving his breakfast, sir.  Master Snape is having much to do in the greenhouse today and isn’t to be disturbed, sir.  You’ll be wanting your eggs now, Master Lupin?”

 

 

Severus Snape was obviously a master at avoidance as well as potions – he contrived to be busy the entire day, including meal times, and most especially anytime Remus requested his presence. 

 

The house elves were extremely apologetic, but equally unhelpful in pinning down just ‘where’ Snape was hiding himself.  He wasn’t in the greenhouse, he wasn’t in his private laboratory and he wasn’t in his rooms.  Remus would have sworn the man had left the house altogether if he wasn’t quite sure that Snape didn’t feel safe to leave its walls while still pregnant. 

 

And so Remus shivered alone on the snow-covered lawn waiting for the moon to rise once more, wishing desperately he could understand the enigma that was his host.  Ever since Snape had shown up at his doorstep under Dumbledore’s orders Lupin had experienced acts of kindness and care from the normally disdainful man.  Moments that had reawakened feelings he’d once had for the socially inept boy he’d once known at Hogwarts. 

 

The problem was he had no idea just how Snape felt about him.  He could be kind, yes – but Snape still hid behind his sharp tongue and distant air.  Lupin was certainly grown up enough now to recognize these things as defense mechanisms designed to keep everyone at a distance so they didn’t get too close and have the chance to hurt him, but how did one go about getting around such engrained behaviors?

 

The sun had set finally and the moonlight triggered his change, interrupting his thoughts and driving him to focus only on getting past the familiar pain. 

 

He loped through the forest and chased a rabbit or two, but he found that the excitement of the night before eluded him.  Lupin found himself returning to the clearing several times to check for any signs of life from the house. 

 

Suddenly the side door opened and there was movement.  Remus felt the surge of energy and need to run from the wolf and decided to give it full reign as he raced to the source of his excitement.  It was only when he was within twenty feet of the house that his human mind caught up with him once more and he realized his mistake.  The moving form was far too small to be the potions master. 

 

The house elf squealed in terror at the sight of him, but quickly stammered out, “Master Snape is wanting Frizzy to let Master Lupin in when he is getting cold.  Is Master Lupin wanting to come in?” 

 

 _Coward_ , Lupin thought to himself, _he sends a house elf to let me in rather than face me._ He nodded to the house elf and followed her inside the house.  But when he turned to walk down the corridor that led to Snape’s room he was startled by the house elf suddenly throwing her tiny body in front of him, blocking his way. 

 

“Oh, no, Master Lupin!” she squeaked.  “Master Snape is saying no one is to bother him tonight!” 

 

Well, of course – he’d instructed the house elves to keep Remus away by force.  Lupin obligingly turned around and headed towards his own room without a protest. 

 

He heard the sigh of relief that the house elf emitted before snapping her fingers and vanishing back to whatever duties she had.  Lupin immediately turned around and headed back towards his original destination.  It was time Snape faced him…one way or another.

 

 

XOXOXOX

 

 

“Go away!” Severus shouted for what must have been the fifteenth time.  The infernal scratching at the door still did not cease, but instead – grew louder.  There were snarling sounds now being added to the racket.  Not very loud or overly threatening – more like the sounds of a frustrated, but determined animal.

 

Enough was enough – Snape heaved himself out of the chair and waited a moment to be sure of his balance before stalking to the door.  The damned house elves obviously weren’t worth a damn as guards.  The blasted werewolf should never have been let into this wing of the house, much less at his door.

 

“What is it?!” he snapped as he wrenched open the door.  The wolf that was Lupin bounded past him and his attempts to keep him on the other side of the door.  Snape slammed the door shut behind the canine and crossed his arms – this gesture was becoming less and less intimidating as his belly got larger, but it was all he had left to show his displeasure besides his sneer.

 

“Well?” he asked, “it’s not as if you are capable of conversation, Lupin.  Perhaps you’ve come to piss on my rug?”

 

The werewolf glared at him with almost human eyes and for one moment it seemed as if Lupin was actually considering it.

 

“Don’t even try it – you’ll spend the rest of the night in a body bind if you so much as lift a leg.  So…what shall we do now, Lupin?  I mean, you were so eager to come in after all.”

 

Lupin continued to sit on his antique rug and glare at him.  Snape could almost hear the bloody wolf trying to send his thoughts to him.  Well, let him – Snape was too damned tired to care. 

 

He turned away from the intruder and walked over to his bed, which was turned down for the night.  The soft, warm sheets called out to him, but his bladder made itself known for the hundredth time that evening.  Sighing, he turned back to head towards the lavatory only to stumble against a hard mound of fur and bones.  Lupin had stretched out next to his bed, his head on his front paws – eyes looking solemnly up at him.

 

“Move!” Snape growled.  The werewolf shifted over slightly until Severus could walk around him, golden eyes watching every move he made.  It was irritating to have a silent witness to his nightly routine.  Whatever had made him bring the wolf to his rooms the night before in the first place?  Now the idiot obviously thought he was welcome there every night.

 

Bladder emptied and candles snuffed – Snape tiredly climbed into the bed with a weary sigh.  The aches and pains of his body were getting most tiresome – how much longer could the human body endure this kind of strain?  

 

He became aware of the heavy breathing of the animal on the floor – it wasn’t as annoying as he might have suspected.  It was almost comforting to know such a strong presence was nearby – almost as if it were there to protect him.  Never in his life had he thought that he needed such protection – he was quite used to relying on himself.  This pregnancy made him feel quite off-balance at times.  Vulnerable even.  Not that he’d admit that to anyone else.

 

Perhaps that was why he let the bloody werewolf stay in his house in the first place.  Why he couldn’t seem to deny the man anything.

 

Severus turned his head and peered over the edge of his bed.  The bulky form of the wolf was just visible in the dim light.  The sight was reassuring and he soon felt his eyelids grow heavy and close.  His own breathing slowed and deepened – a soothing counterpoint to the sound from the floor.

 

 

Muffled groaning woke him - the now familiar sound of the transition from wolf to man.  Severus pushed himself up with minor difficulty and glanced down to see the final rippling of muscles stretch back into place of his human form.  As always it seemed as if the wizard was only semi-conscious of the change.  His eyes were half open, but glazed.  The sight stirred a feeling of sympathy and Snape pulled his wand out from beneath the covers.

 

“Wingardium Leviosa,” he said quietly – directing the body into the bed beside him.  He tugged the covers up over the naked form and lay back down, but - as happened all too often in his pregnancy - the call of nature forced him out of bed a moment later. 

 

He shuffled back to bed and was relieved to see that the other man’s eyes were now closed and his breathing evened to a deep sleep.  Lupin would likely remain asleep until late morning – the transition always took a lot out of him.

 

Severus eased himself back into the bed and decided he would only lie down for a few minutes before dressing and heading downstairs.  He was still saying that to himself when he drifted back to sleep.  The warm body beside him an even more comforting presence than the wolf on the floor had been.

 

He started suddenly, realizing his mistake and tried to sit up, but a heavy arm across his chest pinned him in place.

 

“Knew you’d try to bolt again.”  The voice was heavy with sleep as Lupin lifted his head from his pillow – his arm stayed in place.

 

“Get off me, Lupin,” Snape growled.  He reached up to shove the arm off of him, but Remus moved with startling quickness and he was suddenly restrained by two firm hands on his shoulders.  Lupin’s face loomed above him, the silver strands in Lupin’s hair were highlighted in the early morning light.

 

“I don’t think so.  Not until you promise not to bolt.  I didn’t appreciate your little disappearance act yesterday,” Remus growled back.  

 

Severus was stunned at the fierce tone, not to mention the closeness of the other man’s body.  Lupin was leaning over him, but his legs weren’t straddling him at least.  Snape supposed it was only his big belly that stopped the other man from putting more of his weight on him.  But the hands pinning his shoulders down were enough – Severus simply didn’t have the leverage to break the hold.  Defiance was his only alternative.  He smoothly replaced his look of shock with one of annoyance with one brow raised.

 

“I am not here to amuse you, Lupin – I was busy yesterday.  And I am today as well.  Get.  Off.  Me.”

 

Remus snarled at his words and Severus was seriously beginning to doubt that Lupin was completely human during the day of a full moon.  He certainly wasn’t acting his usual affable self.  “That’s a crock of shit, Snape.  You’re avoiding me.”

 

“Am I?  Well, it certainly can’t be because of your sunny personality, now can it?  You’re awfully cranky this morning, Lupin.”  Severus wished the man wasn’t quite so close.  The smell of sweat and the sight of Lupin’s naked chest were quite disconcerting.  Knowing the rest of him was naked as well only made it worse.   

 

Remus blinked and slowly eased the pressure of his hands on Severus’ shoulders, though he didn’t remove them completely.  “I’m sorry, Severus – you’re right.  I let my temper get away from me,” he apologized in a softer tone.

 

Severus realized he’d preferred it when the werewolf was growling at him – the apology made him feel awkward and cranky himself.  “Fine.  Just get off me, then.”

 

Lupin shook his head, “No.  You’ll just run away and hide again.”

 

“For the last time: I was NOT hiding.  I have certain duties to attend to.”

 

Now it was Remus’ eyebrow going up in a look of sarcasm.  “Like what?”

 

Severus hated to explain himself and scowled.  “Like making out my last will and testament – making certain plans and arrangements for the child’s care.  Making sure my land and property is kept safe until the child is old enough and in position to claim it.  Little things of that nature.”

 

Lupin looked suitably abashed and Severus reveled in the victory, no matter how temporary.  “I – I hadn’t realized…”

 

“No, obviously not.  So, may I get up now or are you not finished manhandling me?”

 

Remus withdrew his hands and sat back in the bed without a word.  It took more effort that he cared to admit to sit up after that.  His back was protesting his recent attempts to struggle.

 

“Are you all right?”

 

Snape glared at the other man’s contrite face without answering and put greater effort in concealing his stiffness as he got out of the bed.  Once vertical, he opened his wardrobe to get a new robe out.  He was quite conscious of the eyes on him as he moved about the room and hurriedly went to the lavatory to change, hoping Lupin would be gone when he was finished.

 

Severus took his time changing and washing up – unwilling to leave the lavatory.  When he finally couldn’t justify scowling at his face in the mirror any longer, he opened the door and strode out.

 

“Tea?”  Remus stood just outside the door with a tray – two steaming cups of tea and a plate of dry toast on it.

 

Snape sighed, but nodded towards the fireplace and Lupin obligingly set the tray down on the small table next to the wingback chair.  Conjuring up a second chair, he sat down next Snape with a small smile.

 

“I know you said you were busy today, but I wanted to make sure you ate *something* this morning.  How is the morning sickness?”

 

“Better when someone doesn’t mention it, thank you,” Snape growled.  He stirred a lump of sugar into his tea and sipped it cautiously.  Normally he didn’t like sugar or sweets, but lately he found himself craving them.  If he wasn’t careful he’d turn into Dumbledore – obsessing over sweets and biscuits; pockets bulging with them like a spoiled child.

 

Luckily for Snape, Lupin didn’t feel the urge to prattle on that morning and the two nibbled on toast without another word.  When the other man stood finally and brushed nonexistent crumbs from his robes, Snape almost regretted the loss of the quiet company.

 

“I’ll leave you to your work, then, Severus.  I’ve errands of my own.  I have some Christmas shopping to do – I thought I’d walk to the edge of the forest and apparate to Diagon Alley.  Do you need anything while I’m gone?”

 

Snape felt a momentary temptation to ask for a large slab of chocolate from Viviane’s Chocolatier, but shook his head.  “I’ve everything I need.  Don’t be long…you must take your potion again this evening.”

 

 

XOXOXOX

 

Lupin tromped through the snow towards the edge of the forest and breathed in the clean crisp air deeply.  It was cold, but the skies were clear and he was in a rather happy mood.  Not only had he succeeded in breaking through Snape’s isolation, but he was also off to do some serious Christmas shopping for the first time in as long as he could remember.  It was rather surreal to feel the jingle of coins in the leather pouch beneath his outer robes and know that he could afford to buy some decent presents.  Of course, his happiness was tinged with regret that the money was only there because Sirius had died and left it to him, but he shook the feeling away as best he could by reminding himself that he was using it to make a very merry holiday for Harry – something his former lover would approve of heartily.

 

Apparating to Diagon Alley was easy enough, but it soon became evident to Remus that shopping would be a bit of a headache with the crowds roaming the streets and shops so close to the holidays. 

 

“Red and green jumpers – special sale!”

 

“No, Harriet, you have quite enough robes as it is - ”

 

“Stop pushing!” 

 

“Let me through!”

 

“Buy one get one free - !”

 

“Mommy – look!”

 

Lupin dodged groups of shoppers and bellowing shopkeepers as he headed down the alley.  He wasn’t entirely sure what to get Harry now that he was faced with so many options. 

 

His most obvious choice was a set of books in Flourish and Blotts that specialized in an advanced course of study for defensive spells and shielding.  Lupin fingered the fine dragonhide leather covers and smiled to himself.  He’d read the books in a library himself – it was quite pleasing to think of Harry having the reference books on hand to peruse at his leisure.   They would surely come in handy during his future courses.  The young man was rather focused on his plans to become an Auror and had taken to studying with greater zeal and enthusiasm than ever before. 

 

As he left the shop with his heavy package, though, he was struck by the thought of what Sirius would have to say about such a serious gift for a teenager on Christmas.  _Surely you don’t expect him to study *all* the time, Remus!  Youth is for having fun and excitement._   And he would be right, after all…Harry needed a bit of distraction. 

 

Glancing down the alley he caught sight of the Quality Quidditch Supplies just one shop down from the bookstore.  As it often had in his youth, the window of the store was barely visible from the crowd of youngsters gawping at the display behind the glass.

 

It reminded him of the times James and Sirius and he had shopped before the beginning of terms at Hogwarts.  The three would start off buying their list of books at Flourish and Blotts before his two friends would hurry him out the door to head over to see the latest brooms and supplies for sale.  Lupin would have rather stayed in the bookstore, but he’d always enjoyed seeing the excitement and glee in his best friend’s eyes as they looked around the shop.  He enjoyed flying on occasion, too, but he’d never had the same thrill that they had had – and that Harry shared with them.

 

Deciding that it was time to become interested in all things flying – Lupin pressed through the crowd and toward the door.  As he reached it, he glanced at the display that was so interesting and saw that there was in fact a new broom out – a Shooting Star 3000.  ‘Fastest broom ever!’ the sign below it promised.

 

Lupin inwardly cringed at the idea of how much such a broom would cost – there was no price and he was quite sure that wasn’t a good sign.  And yet…something told him he should buy it.  Harry’s old broom - hardly old, really - wasn’t working properly.  Or so he’d heard.  The other members of the Order of the Phoenix had mentioned in passing how Umbridge had possibly tampered with Harry’s broom while it was in her possession.  Whether it was simply neglect or obvious sabotage, no one could prove, but it was no longer trustworthy and after a particularly nasty fall Harry had resorted to using another teammate’s spare broom.  It was better than one of the school brooms, but not much.  And Sirius never would have stood for that…he’d have replaced the broom already, Remus was sure. 

 

Another purchase made…this time through direct credit from Gringotts.  Lupin left the shop with a weary sigh his feet ached and his arms were full, but there was just one more present to buy.  A quick glance at the apothecary store quickly dissuaded him from the obvious choice of present for Severus – not only wouldn’t he know which potion ingredients to chose – even heavy dragonhide gloves or some other potions related paraphernalia would be next to useless while the man was still pregnant and unable to dabble in his art.  Instead, he glanced down at another small shop along the way with a small grin – there was one thing he knew Snape ‘would’ be able to use.

 

XOX

 

Severus gently rubbed his belly, lost in thought as he absently listened to the faint classical music emanating from his mother’s old music box on the desk beside him.  The child was kicking, and while it didn’t hurt, it was noticeable enough to stop him in mid task as he found himself focusing on the tiny life within that was asserting its presence with force.  It was an odd sensation, but not unpleasant… 

 

He’d heard that some medi-witches recommend talking to unborn children – that fetuses could hear and recognize voices at an early stage.  Severus dismissed such sentimental rubbish as an excuse for other wizards and witches to coo and baby talk like imbeciles to swollen stomachs.  He had a horrible vision of Dumbledore or one of the other professors at Hogwarts doing so to his own stomach and shuddered.  It was yet another reason to remain well away from such awkward and annoying company. 

 

At least Lupin had the sense to keep his own distance…most of the time.  He shifted in his chair as he remembered the press of warm naked flesh on top of his own clothed form.  Lupin’s assertive behavior that morning had certainly been startling…and arousing.  Severus pushed that train of thought away and closed the music box next to him with a loud snap, annoyed at his reaction.

 

“Don’t do that – it was beautiful.”

 

Severus was startled to see Lupin standing in the doorway with a wistful smile on his face.  “The music?  My mother liked it…you can borrow it if you want,” he said roughly, shoving the music box to the edge of the desk for the other wizard to take.

 

“I wasn’t referring to the music so much as the sight.”

 

That comment made Snape’s eyes open wide in surprise before narrowing in suspicion.  “Excuse me?” he said in his coldest voice.

 

Lupin shook his head ruefully and stepped fully into the room with a good natured shrug.  “I meant seeing you by the window – with the light shining on you just so…holding your hand to your belly…it just looked like such a beautiful moment.  A moment frozen in time…what disturbed you before I spoke?” he asked curiously.

 

Severus pushed himself out of the chair and deliberately ignored the question as he shuffled papers on his desk.  “What is it you wanted, Lupin?  I thought you were shopping today.”

 

“Oh, I was.  Finished.  I had no idea just how busy it would be…I should have shopped ahead of time.  I managed to find everything I was looking for, though.”  Lupin strolled around the office, poking at books on the shelves and glancing out the window before looking back at Snape with a friendly smile.

 

Snape realized he’d been caught staring at the man instead of looking at his papers and quickly shoved the ones in his hand in a drawer and looked away.

 

“Have you had supper yet?”  Lupin crossed his arms and leaned against a bookcase.  He looked as if he belonged in the room – like a piece of furniture.  Unmovable. 

 

Severus frowned and would have lied, but his stomach spoke for him.  He glowered at the chuckle from the other wizard and sniffed disdainfully.  “Obviously not.  I’ll have the house elf bring me something – you go ahead and eat.”

 

“Oh, I will…I’ll have the house elves bring us both supper up here then.  This table by the window should do.”  Papers and books were rearranged in neat piles before Severus’ horrified eyes as Lupin made room on the messy surface.

 

Deciding that his objections would only lead to further loss of dignity he ignored the irritating presence of the other wizard as they waited for dinner to arrive.  Lupin made himself quite at home, snagging a book off one of the shelves to peruse while Severus busied himself at his desk.  Within moments two plates appeared on the cleared table and both wizards sat down to a hearty stew and warm crusty rolls with butter.  Severus hungrily attacked his plate while Lupin unsuccessfully hid a smile behind his goblet of wine.  Still, it was a significantly more pleasant hour than he had expected and Snape was much too satisfied by the good food and quiet company to complain when Lupin urged him to go to bed early and sleep.

 

“I’ll be outside for a few hours.  You should rest.”

 

Severus normally would have protested at the idea that he would miss the other man’s company, but he couldn’t summon the energy to care if the werewolf planned to join him in his rooms that night or not.  Let the mangy wolf do as he liked…he was too tired to be bothered.

 

Later that night he woke to the scratching at his door and silently got up to let the Lupin in, his wand and any incantations that would have opened it for him forgotten in his tiredness.  The wolf quietly barked a greeting and then nudged him back towards the bed, following him.   Snape heard the wolf settle at the foot with a contented sigh.  As Snape drifted to sleep he wasn’t the slightest bit unsettled to realize that he was actually coming to accept the routine. 

 

XxXxX

 

Christmas eve and the house was filled with anticipation and the pleasant smell of gingerbread and baked apples.  Lupin stood in the foyer and checked the time for the millionth time that morning.  Harry was arriving any moment with his security entourage and the werewolf found himself suddenly stricken with nerves at the possibility of the teenager’s reaction to Snape’s presence. 

 

There was a sound behind him and Remus jumped and turned to see Snape smirking at him from the stairs.   “Nervous, Lupin?  Don’t worry – the Boy Who Lived must be fashionably late in order to make his grand entrance.”

 

Remus gritted his teeth – this didn’t bode well if Snape was already insulting someone who hadn’t arrived yet.  He was debating whether or not to plead for good behavior from the man when there was a brisk knock at the door.

 

Lupin cast one last desperate glance in Severus’ direction and found that the wizard had disappeared in his moment of inattention.  Wondering at how fast a pregnant man could move, he answered the door as there was another impatient knock, louder than before.

 

“Finally.  Your wards could stand some fortifying, Lupin – best tell the master of the house that it only took me ten minutes to find a way through.”  Moody’s craggy face was smug and disapproving at the same time as he stared at Lupin with his one normal eye – the magical one was roving as usual.

 

Remus was surprised Snape didn’t suddenly appear to answer the insult with a few of his own.  “I’m aware of the hole in the wards, Moody – we deliberately timed it for when you were scheduled to arrive.  I figured you’d find the weak hole eventually and come through.  I must admit I thought you’d manage it a few moments faster, though.”

 

The frosty glare that met him with those words sparked a thrill of satisfaction.  Lupin quickly admonished himself at realizing this and wondered just how much his secluded time with Snape was influencing his own personality traits.  He covered the awkward moment with a hearty laugh and would have clapped the other man on the shoulder if he weren’t sure that Moody’d cut his arm off and was grateful when he heard Tonks laugh from behind the battered Auror. 

 

“That was my fault, Remus – I tripped on a rock buried in the snow.  Moody healed my sprain and we were slightly delayed.  You might want to take better care of the lawn out here,” she said ruefully.

 

“It was a boulder, not a rock.  Everyone but you was able to avoid it,” the old man said gruffly to her.  But the tension had thankfully passed and the Auror turned sideways so that Lupin was finally able to see Harry’s smiling face from behind the other man.

 

“Hullo, Remus.  Happy Christmas.”  Harry’s smile was honest enough, but Lupin could see a hint of sadness behind it.  Sirius’ absence was obviously much felt at the moment and Remus found himself wishing for the thousandth time that his lover had been more cautious and responsible.  His godson needed him and he’d been too reckless with his safety.  Lupin knew he must be a rather pathetic replacement for a godfather in the teen’s eyes.  No one could compete with Sirius Black’s sheer force of personality and charisma.

 

“Happy Christmas, Harry.  I bet you’re all tired from your trip.  You didn’t have any other trouble did you?”  He gestured for everyone to follow him in, but only Harry entered the house.

 

“We’ve done our duty – I’d stay to make sure the security is up to snuff, but Dumbledore’s orders were clear,” Moody growled.  “Apparently he trusts you two to keep him safe…”  His tone made it clear that he disagreed with the notion, but the Auror turned and trudged away without further ado. 

 

Tonks smiled wistfully and reached over to give Remus and Harry quick hugs before she hurried off after the crotchety old man.  “Happy Christmas!  See you in a few days!”

 

Remus watched them disappear into the forest to where they could apparate before closing the door with a relieved thud.  He wouldn’t have minded Nimphadora’s company, but he couldn’t help but be thankful he’d seen the last of Moody for a few days. 

 

“He’s full of the holiday spirit, isn’t he?” Harry said with an impish grin. 

 

“Yes – no doubt he’s making Tonks’ holiday a cheerful one.  I’ll have to get her something after the holidays as a thank you gift for putting up with him today.  Do you have your things?” Remus asked.

 

Harry pulled out a shrunken trunk and Lupin waved him towards the stairs to show him his room.  “I’ve given you the room next to mine so you can find me if you need anything.  The house elves are helpful, but they are working themselves into a tizzy over the holiday preparations.”

 

Harry’s eyes were wide as he took in the grandness of the staircase and the furnishings.  As Lupin pushed open the guest room door, Harry whistled at the opulent bed and furniture.  “Who’s your friend, Remus?  You were mysterious in your owls.  This isn’t *your* house, is it?”

 

Lupin chuckled at the thought of the mansion being in his own family – the Lupins were a poor lot.  Always had been.  “No, it’s a friend’s house…you’ll meet him at lunch, I’m sure.  Why don’t you clean up?  I’ll knock when it’s time.”

 

 

XxXxX

 

 

Remus walked Harry down to the dining room and enjoyed the look on the boy’s face as he took in more of the sights of the house along the way.  There was a large tree in the sitting room spelled with at least a hundred fairy lights and twinkling ornaments.  Harry seemed even more impressed by the spicy aromas coming from the kitchen as they sat down at the table. 

 

“Something smells wonderful,” he said as he sat down opposite of Remus.

 

Lupin smiled and nodded, “Yes, I think these house elves have been trained in a fine culinary school – every meal is an experience.”

 

“They were – my father was fastidious and demanded only the best.”

 

Harry’s eyes popped out at the sight of Severus Snape entering the dining room in the same forbidding stride that he had roamed the halls of Hogwarts.  Remus wondered just how he managed it with such a large belly.  But the belly was not in evidence now – there was a powerful glamour cast on him that even Lupin couldn’t see through.  Apparently Severus had been studying.

 

“Snape!  What are *you* doing here?” Harry asked bluntly, staring at the potions master in what could only be horror.

 

“*Professor* Snape, Harry.  This is his home.  And he was kind enough to allow me to invite you here for the holiday,” Remus reminded him.  He was irritated at Harry’s obvious lack of respect for Severus.  He could understand fearing and even disliking his potions master, but such blatant disrespect was out of character and unacceptable from Harry.

 

Harry looked from Remus back to Snape and seemed to get control of his temper enough to accept Lupin’s admonishment.  “Thank you, professor,” he muttered.

 

Severus had stood still and silent as Lupin handled the situation, but he now smirked at the chastised boy and sat down at the head of the long table and draped a napkin across his lap with a flourish.  Remus was quite grateful for the sudden appearance of food on their table which forestalled any comment Severus was undoubtedly about to make.

 

They ate in silence – Harry and Snape were obviously pretending the other did not exist and Remus couldn’t think of a neutral topic to engage his two companions in and so he ate quietly as well.  The food was excellent, as usual, but it might as well have been sawdust for all the enjoyment the three got from it.  Harry finished first and excused himself to return to his room. 

 

“Well, that was fun,” Remus said with a sigh.

 

“Indeed.  Remind me of that the next time you get it in your head to invite insolent children into my home.”

 

“You aren’t really helping, you know – you could try to strike up a conversation with him.  Be a gracious host.”

 

Snape gave him a thunderstruck look.  “Need I remind you that it was Potter who demanded to know what I was doing in my home?!  The same brat who has never spoke a respectful word in my presence in the five years I had the thankless chore of teaching him?!”

 

“Have you ever given him a chance?  You hated him before you ever met him – and you have delighted in blaming him for his parentage even thought the boy never even knew his parents or your history with them.  I admit that Harry has crossed the line in his behavior to you, but if you are angry at his lack of respect for you…well, you only have yourself to blame.”  Lupin tossed his own napkin on the table and left the dining room and a silent Snape behind.

 

 

The door to Harry’s guest room was shut and Remus wasn’t in the mood to deal with a surly teenager at the moment.  He crossed over to his own room and sat down on his bed with a sigh.  What had he been thinking?

 

“Remus?”  Harry stood at the open door hesitantly.

 

“Yes?”

 

Harry took that as permission to enter and sat next to him at the foot of the bed.  “…I wanted to apologize.”

 

Remus gave him a small smile.  “That’s good…but I’m not the one you should apologize to.”

 

Harry looked disgruntled at that and looked around Lupin’s room instead of responding.  His eyes took in the fine furnishings of the room and Lupin’s trunk shoved in a corner before alighting on the small framed photo on his bedside table.  It was a picture of a young Sirius and Remus standing by the Quidditch pitch.  Sirius wore his Quidditch uniform and Remus was proudly sporting his house scarf – the picture had been taken by James with Lilly’s muggle camera.  Since it wasn’t a wizarding photo – the image was frozen in time, unmoving.

 

“Is that…” Harry started, leaning forward for a better look.

 

Remus picked the battered frame and handed it to him to get a better look.  “Sirius and I after a game – Gryffindors won, obviously, or Sirius wouldn’t look so happy.”

 

Harry handled the picture with care, staring intently at it.  “He does look happy…”

 

Remus blinked at the sudden tears that threatened as he smiled wistfully.  “I wanted a reminder of how he used to be…how we used to be…”  For a minute he worried that he might have given something away, but Harry seemed to take it innocently and continued to stare at Sirius’ young face for a few more moments before handing the picture back.

 

“I miss him…” Harry whispered, staring down at his fingers as they twisted in the loose material of his trousers.

 

“I do, too…but I know that he’s in a better place.  And he’ll be waiting for us there someday.”

 

Harry gave a reluctant nod and looked up at him.  “Yeah…”  His eyes were glistening with tears behind the lenses of his glasses and Remus held a cautious arm out.  It seemed to be all the boy needed as he was suddenly hugging Lupin in a fierce grip.  There were no sobs or shaking – Harry just held him tight.  An anchor in a storm.

 

XxXxX

 

Supper was a far easier affair than lunch had been.  Both Snape and Harry seemed determined to be on their best behavior.  They made polite small talk and commented on the food.  But never to each other.  Both talked only to Lupin – behaving as if the other wasn’t there at all.  Remus supposed it was an improvement.

 

After their meal they retired to the sitting room – a fire crackled merrily in the fireplace and the Christmas tree glowed in the corner of the room.  Harry settled before the fire with a book.  The title was too small to make out, but Remus thought it said ‘Auror Trials’.  Snape took up one of the large wing back chairs on the opposite side of the fire and stuck in his nose into another book – the title incomprehensible to Lupin.  Probably had a disguising spell on it – paranoid bastard that he was.  Remus’ own book lay unheeded on his own lap as he sat in another chair by the fire, closer to Harry.  The room was warm and cozy and the presence of the other two gave him a comfortable feeling that he was content to bask in for the rest of the night. 

 

No matter what happened in the future…he was happy that the feeling of loneliness he’d felt most of his life was missing at that moment.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And done! I posted the first two chapters of this story years ago when I had a website of my own and never finished this story. This third and final chapter was NEVER posted before since I had stopped halfway. If any old readers find this I am very sorry for the long wait, but also thrilled to have finished this! There is an epilogue coming after this. All finished and edited, too. I am so glad I managed to complete a story. I haven't done that in about 8 years. Yay, me. :)

 

“You’re spoiling the boy, Lupin.” 

 

Snape was giving him a warning glower over his cup of tea.  Harry had finished opening his presents and was sitting amid the shreds of wrapping paper and ribbons on the floor before them.  Harry, luckily, was too absorbed in his gifts to hear them.

 

Lupin chuckled and shrugged back.  “Maybe I am, but he could use a bit of spoiling.  It’s Christmas, Severus!”

 

“Why does everyone always delight in reminding me of that *every* Christmas day?  I’m aware of the holiday, Lupin – it shouldn’t be used as an excuse to spoil children.”

 

“Sure it should…and not just children.  Happy Christmas, Severus.”  Lupin pointed to the remaining present under the tree and watched with delight as Snape stared at it with alarm.  When he realized Severus wasn’t going to react otherwise, Remus called out, “Harry, could you bring us that last present there?  Under the tree.”

 

Harry handed the present over – it was fairly heavy and wrapped in fancy paper with little sprigs of holly printed on it.  Remus handed it to Snape.  “Well…open it up,” he said.

 

Severus glared at him, not liking to be ordered about, but he finally edged a fingernail beneath the crease of paper.  Careful and cautious – he slowly unwrapped the present as if it were a bomb.

 

Remus waited patiently, aware that Harry was watching the two of them out of the corner of his eye as he pretended to study his Defense books.  Finally, the paper was removed with care and Severus was staring at the large bar of chocolate Remus had chosen for him.  Dark chocolate with toffee and almonds – Honeyduke’s finest and most expensive blend.

 

Snape looked up from the chocolate with surprise.  “How did you know my favorite?”

 

Remus let out a sigh of relief, “Lucky guess, I suppose.”  Actually he’d seen a young Snape eat an entire, albeit smaller bar in the Restricted Section after a Hogsmeade weekend once.  It was one of his fonder memories from school.

 

Harry stood then and gathered his presents together to take to his room.  Remus was glad he’d chosen well in his presents as well.  The books, more advanced than the ones he and Sirius had chosen last year, had been received with a look of extreme interest and appreciation.  The broom, though, had brought tears to the young wizards eyes.  For a moment Remus had feared he’d gone too far, but then Harry had smiled at him and given him a fierce hug right in front of Snape’s disapproving presence.

 

Before Harry reached the doorway, however, Snape shifted in his chair and called out, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

 

Harry turned around at the sound of his voice, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.  “What?”

 

“This.”  Snape pulled a large book from somewhere in his voluminous robes and tossed it to the boy.  Harry caught it with a free hand and looked down at it, surprised.  “You may find that easier to comprehend.”

 

Harry looked up with a flash of irritation, but then nodded.  “Thank you.”  He then turned and left without another word.

 

Remus looked expectantly at Severus until the other wizard snapped, “What?”

 

“What book did you give him?”

 

Severus shrugged and pushed himself out of his chair.  While Harry was in the room he was careful never to let on his aches and pains, but  now that he was alone with Lupin, he rubbed at a spot on his lower back.  “Another book on Occlumency.  Albus sent me a Christmas owl this morning and included an update on the boy’s progress.  Old fool probably hopes I’ll have pity and resume lessons with the boy.”

 

“Oh…so you decided to find a better book to explain it instead?”

 

Severus sneered at that before answering, “No.  The first book I gave him was ‘a better book’ – the one I just gave him now is more along the reading level of a small child.  He probably won’t understand *that* one, either.”

 

Remus rolled his eyes and stood as well – hoping to walk Severus to his room without being obvious that he was doing it because the pregnant man seemed a trifle unsteady on his feet.  The glamour that Snape wore to conceal his pregnancy took a lot of energy and the other man looked ready to drop.

 

Apparently Snape was too tired to protest, as he made no comment when Remus failed to turn down to the guest wing and instead continued to walk with Severus down the hall towards his bedroom.

 

“How is it you came to be so good at Occlumency?” Remus finally asked.  He had been curious ever since Dumbledore himself had praised Severus’ abilities in shielding his mind.  And obviously he must be to have been one before he’d begun to spy on such a powerful wizard as Voldemort.

 

For a moment he regretted asking as Severus’ face turned sullen, but the other wizard was too weary to do anything but answer simply, “My father made it necessary.”

 

“He taught you?”

 

“You could say that…he was a skilled Legilimens.  I had to learn to hide my true thoughts and feelings as early as possible.” 

 

Remus tried to hide his horror at the idea of a father mentally assaulting his own son in such a way.  He heard Sirius’ voice in his head – recalling how young Severus Snape had come to Hogwarts knowing more curses than most seventh years.  Little wonder.

 

Severus seemed lost in thought now, his eyes distant as he walked along beside Lupin.  “…my mother never mastered the skill, unfortunately,” he murmured.

 

Remus glanced at the pictures in the hall - one of them was a picture of Helena Snape, a sad, pinched face peaking out of a curtain of long black hair.  Obviously Severus' other features had come from his father.  The picture next to Helena was a spitting image of Severus, but with short dark brown hair and, if possible, an even haughtier look upon his face than Severus had ever sported.  The portrait sneered at Remus as they passed, his beetle black eyes daring the werewolf to come closer.

 

At least the portraits in Snape Manor never screamed insults - Lupin supposed that the Snapes thought themselves above such a thing.

 

“Well then,” Snape said as they approached his door finally, “you’ve done an admirable job escorting the invalid to his rooms, Lupin.  Good night.”

 

Remus regretfully nodded and turned to leave.  “Good night, Severus.  Happy Christmas.”  He was halfway down the hall, heading towards his room, when he heard a soft reply.

 

“Happy Christmas, Remus.”

 

XxXxX

 

Boxing Day.   Remus and Harry had decided to celebrate an unusually sunny day outdoors in the snow having a glorious snowball fight.  Harry had pelted Remus with snowballs the instant they had stepped outside and Lupin was finding himself tiring quickly under such unbridled teenage exuberance, but he was also having too much fun to care.  He only wished that Snape was outside having some fun as well, but as he caught the swish of a curtain being closed on the second floor of the house he supposed that Severus’ idea of fun would be having the two out of the house for the day.

 

“Oi!  Are you forfeiting?” Harry called out just as a cold wet missile slapped in the back of the head.  Severus had a point when he called the boy an impudent brat sometimes.

 

Remus turned around slowly and gave his best glare – he was no Snape, but he could look scary when he wanted to.  “You’ll pay for that one,” he promised in a low voice.  It was the same voice he’d use with Sirius sometimes…it used to turn his lover on to see his dangerous side.  Harry, on the other hand, looked surprised and just a little scared.

 

“Okay, okay, I give!” he hurriedly said, throwing his arms up in surrender.  It was too late, Remus growled and tackled him – shoving Harry down in the snow and shoving more of it down the back of the lad’s shirt for good measure.

 

Harry screamed a distinctly girly scream and then began to laugh so hard there were tears running down his face.  Remus leaned on his side in the snow, laughing, too.  Damn, but it reminded him of all those snowball fights he used to have with James, Peter and Sirius…they’d had so much fun.  Harry’s face was red with both cold and exertion.  He was huffing a little as he tried to catch his breath, his black hair poked out in wild directions under his winter cap and his green eyes sparkled.  Reminding Remus of both James and Lilly both in the same instant.  It was enough to sober Remus from his hilarity.

 

“Had enough?” he asked Harry.

 

“Yes.  I think I’m completely numb,” the young man chuckled.  The two helped each other up from the snow and trudged back to the house for hot cocoa and dry clothes.

 

 

XxXxX

 

 

The next day Harry was gone – off to visit with the Weasleys for the rest of the break before returning to school.  Remus was sorry to see him go, but also grateful to be alone with Severus once more.  He’d missed the other man the past three days.  Harry’s presence had kept Snape rather guarded and quiet – keeping to his rooms unless strictly necessary.  It was sad that Severus could not take more joy in the holidays, but at least he’d been on his best behavior with Harry.  Remus knew he owed Snape quite a lot for that one.

 

But apparently his hopes that Severus would crawl out of his nest of books and papers were in vain.  Snape didn’t come out for breakfast that morning and by teatime Remus was becoming anxious.  He knocked on Severus’ bedroom door, but there was no answer.  Torn between annoyance and worry, Lupin interrogated the house elves as they polished the silverware only to find that the man had remained shut up in his study since the night before with strict orders not to be disturbed.

 

Remus took a tray of tea and sandwiches from the house elves and marched purposely towards the study.  He knocked on the door, fully prepared to argue with the stubborn man within and blast the door open with his wand if needed. 

 

The lock clicked and the door swung open. “Come in, Lupin.”

 

He entered cautiously, unsettled at the easy capitulation and wondering suddenly if it was a good idea to confront a temperamental pregnant man.

 

“Quit hovering.” 

 

The voice came from behind a large stack of books on the desk.  Lupin set the tray down on a stack of parchment, as it was the only place available. 

 

“Don’t!” the voice snapped at him and he snatched the tray back up without a word. 

 

Snape finally emerged from behind the desk and started gathering up the parchment Lupin had just disturbed.  “Bloody careless…damned werewolf…” the other wizard muttered.

 

Remus rolled his eyes and set the heavy tray down gratefully once Snape finally moved aside.  “I brought you some food since you clearly can’t be trusted to take care of yourself,” Lupin said as he held out a plate piled high with sandwiches and carrot sticks.

 

Snape didn’t move to take it.  “I’m not hungry.”

 

Remus stared hard at him.  “You should eat, anyway.”

 

“I’ll eat it later – I’m busy.”  Severus turned and moved back to his work.

 

Lupin crossed the floor quickly and intervened before the other man could sit down.  “You have to eat, Severus.  If not for yourself then for the baby.”

 

Snape glared at him, but finally took the plate – moving to sit at another chair by the window.

 

Remus sighed with relief and sat down in the chair Snape had intended to sit in.  He resisted the temptation to look at what the other wizard was working on and instead focused on Severus.  The pregnant man was chewing methodically, the expression on his face made it look like he was eating glass instead of a chicken sandwich.

 

“Would you have preferred something else?  I could ask the house elves to make you some soup or a stew if you like.”

 

Severus dropped the remaining food back on his plate and set it aside.  “I told you – I’m not hungry.  I’ve eaten as much as I can.  Now – may I please have my chair back?” his voice was courteous, but his eyes made it clear that if Lupin didn’t jump out of his chair immediately there would be consequences.

 

Remus relinquished the chair, but as Snape sat down he was confronted again with the plate of food.  “Perhaps you could try just a little more.”

 

“Perhaps you would like my foot up your arse,” the other man said coldly, but he picked up his sandwich again.

 

“May I ask what is so interesting to keep you locked up in here day and night?”  Lupin glanced around the room and noted that the house elves obviously hadn’t been allowed to clean it for some time.  There were several empty teacups littering the table by the window and the shelves were in need of dusting.

 

“Work.”  Severus said helpfully, but when Lupin continued to stare at him he finally sighed, “I told you before - I’m making plans and sorting out my affairs.  I’ve had to make quite a few changes…” the other man trailed off, his eyes focused on his work hard enough to bore a hole in the paper – he was avoiding Lupin’s gaze.

 

“What changes?  What are you talking about?” 

 

Snape pushed back from his desk suddenly and pinned Remus with his gaze, his face was the cold sneering mask that Remus remembered from Hogwarts. 

 

“You love the idea of this child – Black’s child.  A reminder of your dead lover and a way to keep a part of him with you,” he said disdainfully, “Well, you’ll be pleased to know that I have decided you are right…the child should have a human parent to watch over it – teach it how to defend itself properly…” he shuffled the papers on the desk and then held out a piece of parchment to Lupin, “This is the birth certificate – you are named as the father and I have made up a muggle woman for the ‘mother’.  That should make things easier to explain and harder to disprove should anyone doubt you.  You will have to fill in the details of the sex and measurements and such.  I’ll leave it to you to come up with a suitable name…”

 

Remus blinked and stared at the parchment before him.  The words on the page swam before his eyes and Snape’s voice echoed loudly in his head.  “What…what do you mean?  Why have you put me down as the father?”  He looked up to see Severus sneering at him in contempt. 

 

“I thought I made it reasonably clear, Lupin – I have decided to let you raise the child.  Having you on the legal documents will make it easier for you to keep the child.  Werewolves aren’t considered prime adoption candidates and I can’t have my name on the papers as the mother,” he spat the last word out and turned away from Remus to shuffle the papers on his desk back into neat piles.

 

Remus used the opportunity to scramble his wits together – Severus was giving the child to ‘him’?  And letting him take the official title of father as well…  And all this meant that Snape hadn’t changed his mind about sacrificing himself, either – he was simply making different arrangements for the child’s care after his death. 

 

His DEATH. 

 

Merlin, the reality of Snape’s suicidal plans had become all the more immediate. 

 

“Severus…you can’t do this…” he started.

 

Snape turned back to him and crossed his arms over his chest, just above the swell of his stomach.  His impassive mask was in place once more, “I can.  I already have.  It’s done.  The moment the child is born it is yours – raise it as you will.  Consider it a belated Christmas present.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Remus argued hotly, feeling as if the ground was slipping beneath him, “You can’t go through with this plan of yours to sacrifice yourself to Voldemort!”

 

Snape’s eyes turned to slits as he spat back.  “Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do!  This is my decision to make, not yours.”

 

Remus felt sick, his hands were shaking and he wanted nothing more than to yell some more at the stubborn man before him, but he knew that there was nothing he could say to change Snape’s mind.  Defeated, he looked into those black eyes that still pierced his own.  “Why me?  Why give the child to me?”

 

Severus seemed surprised at the question, but his face seemed to soften ever so slightly, “You seem to care for it already…and I suppose Black would have wanted you to raise it, but that wasn’t what changed my mind…” he looked over Lupin’s shoulder at the snow blowing past the window.  “It was these past few days…young Mr. Potter listens to you and respects you – a Herculean feat to be sure.  You are a decent teacher and a better father figure than either Black or I had as children.  I can’t think of anyone better suited to raise it.”

 

Remus felt hot tears pricking at his eyes and he blinked hard, trying to fight them.  His throat ached and he swallowed hard against the lump that was forming.  It was the nicest thing he’d ever heard anyone say to him – and coming from Snape it meant all the more…he only hoped that he could live up to those expectations.

 

Severus glanced back at him from the window and seemed discomfited by the emotional tension in the room as he quickly turned back to his desk once more, effectively dismissing Lupin from the room.

 

Remus didn’t leave.  Instead, he walked quietly up behind the other man and put a hand on one black-clad shoulder.  “Why are you doing this?” he asked quietly.

 

The shoulder beneath his hand tensed and then slumped.  Still not looking up, Snape spoke to the desk in front of him, “It has to be done.”  He then looked up at Remus, hair falling across his face in such a way that made him seem vulnerable…open.  Remus saw something in those eyes that made him lean forward suddenly and kiss him.  The kiss deepened as Severus leaned into it, opening his mouth hungrily – demanding more.  Fumbling hands grappled at each other’s robes as both men felt a sense of urgency taking over.

 

They very nearly ended up on the floor, but at the last minute Remus realized that a pregnant man really could *not* make love on the floor at this advanced state so they stumbled their way into Snape’s bedroom – nearly tripping over the chair in front of the fireplace before they reached the bed.  They pulled apart at last, but only to undo their clothes.  Remus wore a simple pullover and trousers beneath his robes, but when he saw the number of tiny white buttons in the way of Severus’ skin he growled in frustration and ripped the shirt open – several buttons rolled away on the floor.  Snape chuckled dryly at his impatience, but quickly batted away Remus’ hands from his trousers before they could suffer the same fate and quickly pulled them off himself. 

 

It was only once they were off that Snape’s ardor seemed to fade.  He stood naked before Remus with a look of defiance on his face that was obviously hiding his insecurity.  “Change your mind, Lupin?” he asked sardonically.

 

Remus reached out and gently touched the swell of stomach that was the source of the sudden tension in the room.  He wanted to tell Severus that he was beautiful – the fact that he carried a child only heightened his attractiveness and lent him an exotic air of sensuality.  But Snape wasn’t one to want flowery words or sentiment so Remus decided to answer him by letting his hands slowly caress the taut skin of the stomach before dipping down lower – almost touching…

 

Severus shuddered at his touch and stepped closer to the bed, his face softening into an expression of desire once more with heavy lidded eyes.  “Ah…” he gasped as Remus bit him on the neck just hard enough to leave a mark before kissing it better.

 

Snape grabbed the back of his head and pulled him away from his neck.  Remus thought for a moment that he was protesting the mark, but then he felt his own neck being bared and sharp teeth bite him back – just as passionately.  Remus moaned and dug his fingers hard into Severus’ shoulders.  He’d missed this.  Missed claiming and being claimed…

 

Severus licked at the bite and pushed Remus backwards onto the bed before joining him.  They lay on their sides, facing one another, unable to get to get closer because of the belly that lay between them.  It didn’t stop either of them from touching, though.  They stroked, nipped, licked, and kissed – taking their time to learn each other in spite of their frenzy. 

 

Severus came in their joined hands with a shudder and a groan loud enough to spark Remus’ own release and they lay panting on the bed of sweaty, twisted sheets with contentment.

 

Remus turned his head to watch Severus breathe heavily and tilt his head back.  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and tried to slow his breathing.  Remus’ eyes slid down to look at the purpling bite mark at the base of his throat and then down at the chest still heaving until they rested on the swell of stomach below. 

 

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said quietly.

 

Severus turned his own head and lifted one black eyebrow.

 

“You said I loved the idea of Sirius’ child – a piece of him to keep with me…” Remus raised himself to one elbow and put his other hand gently on Snape’s stomach.  There was a  
flutter beneath his fingers and he marveled at the sensation.  “That’s not it at all…I love the child for itself.  For being a part of you *and* for being a part of Sirius.  But the child won’t be a replica of either of you…it will be unique and precious all on its own.”

 

Severus remained silent, but slowly put his own hand on top of Remus’ and closed his eyes.

 

XxXxX

 

The next few days were wonderful in Remus’ eyes.  Neither one of them mentioned Snape’s plans or the none-too-distant future looming before them – instead they focused on their newfound closeness and ignored the world outside their doorstep. 

 

Large stretches of time were spent in bed making love or simply holding one another as they listened to the wind howl outside the bedroom window.  Remus delighted in touching Severus whenever he liked, much to Snape’s consternation.  The first time he touched his lover’s hand at the table as they dined, Severus had twitched and glared at him, yet he hadn’t withdrawn his hand.  Not even when a house elf appeared to ask them if they wanted dessert. 

 

It was inevitable that it would have to end, and yet neither of them expected the owl that arrived late one night at Severus’ bedroom window.

 

tap tap tap

 

Remus cracked one eyelid and groaned.  Then sat up quickly when he realized Severus wasn’t in bed with him.  The door to the lavatory was shut and the light was on.  Snape was obviously making one of his frequent trips to the toilet. 

 

tap tap tap

 

Remus woke fully and realized that it was coming from the window – a great grey owl perched on the windowsill fluttered its wings impatiently as he hurried over to open the window.

 

“What is it?”  Severus was barefoot and wore his dressing gown loosely tied just above his belly.

 

Remus scanned the parchment with a grim face.  “Azkaban is in ruins – the dark mark over the site.  There are at least ten missing among the dead.”

 

All Death Eaters, it went without saying.  Severus nodded silently and turned away, heading back towards the bed.  “And when do you leave?” he asked quietly.

 

Remus looked up from the missive, “Dumbledore wants me to stay here.”  It wasn’t quite a lie.

 

Severus pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes.  “I don’t need a bloody babysitter – the Dark Lord is preparing something on a grand scale.  We all know it – he doesn’t want a protracted war – he wants to consolidate his power quickly…while the Wizarding world is still scrambling to its feet.  You’re needed at the front.”

 

Lupin crumpled the parchment in his hand, but couldn’t deny Snape’s words.  They cut him deeply…Harry would be in greater danger than ever before.  He wished, not for the first time, that he could somehow be in two places at once.  Here, with Severus – and at Hogwarts watching over Harry.

 

Remus quickly wrote a reply out on a fresh sheet of parchment and sent the owl off without further delay.  He then put out the candles and crawled into bed.  Severus lay with his back to him, on his side, as it was no longer comfortable to lie flat on his back.  Remus silently snuggled up behind him and spooned – they lay in silence the rest of the night.  Neither slept.

 

 

XxXxX

 

 

“You shouldn’t be alone.”

 

“I’m not!  Bloody house elves are constantly underfoot offering me sandwiches and back rubs.  You’ve interfered with their orders since the moment you got here.  They used to know their place.  Now they’re mother hens, every last one of them.”

 

Remus rolled his eyes.  “House elves are all well and good, but they’re not trained in Wizarding medicine.”  He was tired of fighting with Severus – he’d much prefer spending their final moments in bed.  But the man was being his usual pig-headed self and refusing to make any concessions to Remus’ fears.

 

Severus glared at him, in a fury he hadn’t felt in months.  How dare the blasted werewolf tell him how to live?  He’d taken care of himself for nearly four decades just fine on his own, damn him.  He knew more about potions, dark arts and defense than Lupin could ever dream learning…he was a bloody virtuoso of deceit and an expert in survival.  He could certainly handle giving birth alone.

 

Remus returned his glare in full measure.  “If you don’t agree to at least call Pomfrey when you go into labor I shall be forced to bind you and drop you off at St. Mungo’s maternity ward for the rest of your term.”

 

Severus’ eyes narrowed to sits.  “Try it and I’ll pull my knife from my boot and teach you some manners.”

 

Both men continued to stare at each other with concentrated force of wills – daring the other to break down first.  Finally, Remus broke the tension with a rueful chuckle.  “And I have no doubt you’d do it, too…pig-headed bastard.”

 

“Insolent wolf.  Get going – you’re late enough as it is.” 

 

Remus made no move to go.

 

Severus sighed and allowed himself to soften his voice enough to soothe, “No place is safer than this house for me…and I’m too close to term to travel anyway.  Portkey, flue and broom are out of the question…apparition is a risk I don’t wish to take just now.”

 

Lupin hated it, but he was right.  At this stage Severus should actually be in bed – male pregnancies being a trifle more dangerous than normal ones.  Still…  “All the more reason I should stay – what if he summons you?  Or sends someone - ”

 

“The Dark Lord will want his potion done just right.  I have two more weeks until he will disturb me.”

 

Two weeks was cutting it close.  “Fine, fine…you win!  I’ll go – but only if you promise to call Pomfrey when you go into labor – I want someone with you.”

 

Severus growled deep in his throat, but finally nodded.  “Very well – I’ll call her.  If I have trouble.”

 

“You’ll call her anyway.”

 

“When I need her – now go!”  Remus’ portkey was timed to activate within minutes and he still had yet to reach the edge of Snape Manor’s wards.

 

Remus darted up and kissed him hard before spinning around and racing out the door.  Severus watched him quickly disappear into the edge of the woods with a heavy heart.  He doubted he’d see the man again… 

 

XxXxX

 

Remus limped heavily as he approached the Manor’s wards.  He’d been needed, that was true, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling he should have stayed with Snape.  After the battle had cleared and he’d helped the wounded get help, he’d hurried away without seeing to his own wounds first.  He couldn’t wait to get back to Severus.  There were plenty of first aid potions and bandages at the house anyway.  Better to leave the busy mediwizards with one less patient.

 

He reached the area were the outer wards were and lifted his wand to begin the complicated spells that would let him in only to freeze suddenly, the hairs on the back of his neck and arms suddenly standing on end and his spine shivered with adrenaline and fear.  

 

The wards were down.

 

Even if Severus had anticipated his arrival or watched from the house there was no way all the wards would have been dropped.  The most would have been a hole big enough for him to pass.  The wards were simply gone.

 

Lupin lurched forward with a gasp and hurried as best he could towards the next stage of the wards.  He quickly sent his patronus to Dumbledore as he stumbled forward.  “The wards are down!  Send help to Snape’s house immediately!” he cried and saw his wolf race towards Hogwarts out of the corner of his eye as he reached the rock he used as a landmark for the next wards. 

 

There was no sign of them.

 

All the protection that had surrounded the house was gone.  Lupin cursed the pain in his leg that refused to let him run faster.  He reached the back door of the Manor and halted.  He couldn’t rush blindly in – he had to be cautious.  The wolf in him urged him on to hurry to Severus’ side, but the experienced wizard in him knew better.  There could be a trap.  He couldn’t afford to act as Harry and Sirius had a year ago, rushing foolishly in to rescue only to fall victim himself.

 

The door opened easily enough.  He lit his wand and called out softly for the house elves whose names he knew.  None appeared.  Dread settled deeper in his stomach – house elves were hard to kill and fiercely loyal.  Surely they’d want to help Snape by helping Remus? 

 

The werewolf cast a series of silencing and muffling spells to make his progress into the house as quiet as possible before casting a disillusionment spell as well.  It wouldn’t hold against a powerful wizard and it wasn’t nearly as good as Harry’s cloak, but every bit helped. 

 

Hall after hall and room after room proved empty and lacking in clues as to the wereabouts of the Manor’s inhabitants.  There were no spilled tea cups or over turned chairs.  Snape’s desk looked as if he’d only stepped away for a moment.  His quill lay on a stack of parchment.  Lupin looked at the sheet it lay on and was rewarded with a scribbled note.

 

D.E.s  - lab.

 

It was hastily scrawled.  Death Eaters and they were in Snape’s lab.  Had they come for the potion early?  Lupin was startled by sudden movement behind him, but it was a silvery phoenix gliding through the wall.  Albus’ voice spoke calmly to him from the bird’s image:

 

“Help is on the way, proceed with caution.”

 

Remus nodded, though it wasn’t necessary and turned to the door that led to the stairs down to Snape’s laboratory.  He couldn’t afford to wait for anyone else.  He just prayed they came soon enough.

 

XxXxX

 

Snape ground his teeth as he watched Malfoy stroll through his lab as if he were perusing a boring shop.  His cane tapped various bottled poisons and ingredients without a care, a few of the more volatile solutions threatened to topple over.

 

“Come, Severus, you know the Dark Lord needs the potion finished.  He’s given you more than enough time – if you can’t complete the task you had better tell him why yourself,” he said in his most supercilious tone. 

 

“I told you before, Lucius.  The potion requires more time – the Dark Lord gave me another two weeks.  It shall be finished on time, but not before.  I cannot alter what the laws of magic dictate.  The potion must distill for another two weeks or it will be useless.”

 

The other two wizards in the room shuffled their feet and grimaced at the idea of telling the Dark Lord he couldn’t have his potion early.  Severus’ anxiety rose as he realized they would not listen to any excuse he gave – they would either take the potion now or take him with them to explain its absence.  Possibly both.  Why were they here?  Did the Dark Lord truly send them early or did Lucius have his own agenda?

 

Severus clutched his wand and weighed the chances of disarming or killing all three without harming himself or the child and knew that the chances were slim at best.  He gasped as a pain ripped through his back to his belly and tried not to clutch his middle.  His glamour was enough to keep the others from seeing his pregnancy, but for how long?

 

Malfoy turned at the sound and frowned at him, but then turned back to the cauldrons simmering on the fire next to him.  Severus shifted to rest some of his weight on the counter and tried not to let his knees buckle.  Something was wrong with the baby – it wasn’t labor – the pain was too sharp and localized on the left side of his belly. 

 

The blond wizard finally turned away from the bubbling potions and glared at Snape., he never had been much more than mediocre in the subject at school.  He wouldn’t know the potion he had come for if it were brewing right under his nose. 

 

“Have a care, Severus.  Your position with the Dark Lord rests entirely on the success of this potion and he has finally lost his patience with you.  In fact...there’s been rumors you aren’t as focused on your brewing as you should be.  That you are entertaining guests in your home.  Guests the Dark Lord would not approve of…” Lucius smiled darkly as he said this and moved closer towards were Snape stood, the counter still between them.   The two thugs moved to surround him on either end of the counter, blocking his escape.

 

Lupin?   How had he found out about Remus staying with him?  Snape quickly realized it must’ve been Potter’s visit.  Merlin, not just the werewolf, but the bloody Boy Who Lived had been under his roof!  Lupin had promised that Harry was told not to reveal the fact that he visited Lupin somewhere other than Grimmauld Place, but no one could make that brat keep his mouth shut, especially with his friends.  Even the clutzy, chatty Metamorph was likely to have talked.  Why hadn’t he just taken out an ad in the Daily Prophet for Merlin’s sake! 

 

Snape was far too good a spy to let any of this show on his face, instead he sneered at Lucius.  “I can’t control who Dumbledore drops off at my doorstep.  If you think I wanted that mangy werewolf stinking up one of my rooms you should book a room in St. Mungo’s mental ward.”

 

Lucius smirked, “And Harry Potter?  You failed to inform the Dark Lord of Potter’s little visit with you?”

 

“I encouraged Lupin to invite Potter to my home, but the Order took special precautions for his visit and you know they don’t fully trust me.  They were watching me the whole time so I couldn’t contact anyone.  I hoped to sedate both the wolf and the boy’s Christmas dinners, but the werewolf metabolism negated the effects of the potion and Potter was in a sulk and didn’t eat.  You can hardly blame me for not reporting on such a spectacular failure to the Dark Lord, now can you, Lucius?  We all know how he rewards such failures.”  Snape pointed his barb right where it would hurt the most.  Lucius had been punished several times since Voldemort’s return.  First for the diary and then for failing to capture him at the Ministry.  He had escaped from Azkaban, but he was still on the Dark Lord’s shit list.

 

Lucius turned a rather entertaining shade of mottled red, his fair skin made it hard to hide his sudden rage.  Ah, now Snape was certain that the Dark Lord hadn’t sent Lucius after all.  Malfoy was trying to show his master he could perform miracles by forcing Snape to give him the potion early.  If it worked – Lucius had saved the Dark Lord weeks of waiting, if it failed – well, Snape was to blame for that.  Now if he could just get the man to take his thugs and leave…

 

There was a sudden prickle at the back of Snape’s neck – a hidden warning signal that his last remaining alarm ward was triggered.  Was Lupin back early?  Snape prayed he wouldn’t barge down here.  He had to make Lucius leave quietly now.  A battle in the midst of his potions lab could have catastrophic results.

 

“Tell me where the damn potion is now, Severus, or I will report your failure myself.”  Lucius shoved one black gloved hand under Snape’s nose in demand.

 

So the Dark Lord didn’t know yet?  Good.  “I am not fond of repeating myself, Lucius.  The potion is NOT finished and I will not give the Dark Lord a useless potion.  It still requires my attention.  But I will make you a deal.”

 

Lucius snarled and dropped his hand, but waited to hear what he had to say.

 

“If you do not tell the Dark Lord about Potter’s visit I will give the potion to you when it IS finished.  You can take it to him yourself and get the glory for it.”

 

Snape watched Malfoy considered this for a moment – if the Dark Lord found out Lucius failed to report this bit of knowledge he would suffer for it…but if he could get away with it and personally deliver something Voldemort was anxious to have in his possession…the Dark Lord might be generous.  Severus tried not to hold his breath with hope he had succeeded.  Not only would the news of his ‘failure’ be kept a bit longer from the Dark Lord, but he could also get out of delivering the fake potion.  He could buy himself more time.

 

Lucius finally made up his mind and not a moment too soon.  Snape caught the faintest trace of a magical presence and knew that Lupin was hovering at the door.  He raised an eyebrow, supposedly at Malfoy, but hoped that the werewolf would know it was a signal to him to stay put.

 

“Very well, Severus.  But you will owe me.  And your potion had better work.” 

 

Lucius started to turn away, but Snape held up a hand to forestall him.  “You seem to be forgetting something.” 

 

Lucius raised his eyebrows in response. 

 

Severus lifted his wand and was unsurprised when Malfoy’s goons started forward, but were held off by Lucius shaking his head at them. 

 

“What is it, Severus?” he asked as if bored.

 

The potions master gestured at the other men, “I trust you to keep your word as a gentleman and a wizard, but I don’t trust them.  A memory charm to keep them from spilling their secrets?”

 

 

XxXxX

 

 

Lupin had found Snape with the situation well in hand in his potions lab.  He manipulated Malfoy and got the wizards to leave without what they wanted.  Remus retreated quietly to a distance while they concluded their business and watched them leave the house and apparate away with a relieved sigh.

 

Snape stood watching ahead of him, his back straight and wand held at the ready until they disappeared.  He then sagged and murmured something Remus couldn’t hear.  Before the werewolf could get to his side he was startled by the popping sounds of several house elves appearing around them.

 

“Master Snape! Master Snape!” they squealed and rushed to him.  Remus waded through the group and touched the other man’s shoulder.

 

“Severus, are you all right?” he asked anxiously.  The man was white as a sheet and grimacing as he clutched his now de-glamoured belly.

 

“No,” he bit out.  “Pomfrey,” he gasped out as he groaned and slumped further into the snow.

 

Remus sent a patronus to Poppy and with the help of the house elves he relocated Snape to his bedroom to wait.  He couldn’t get Snape to tell him what was wrong other than he was in pain and it wasn’t labor.  The house elves bustled around him and Remus realized he had to make sure the wards were put back up and let only Poppy in before he could allow himself to sit next to Snape’s bedside.

 

Poppy arrived with Dumbledore and McGonagall.  Remus ushered them in and the women were shocked by what they found, but as usual, Dumbledore’s eyes were all knowing.  He stood next to Remus out of the way of the bustling women taking care of Severus and put a kindly hand on the werewolf’s shoulder as Remus watched anxiously.

 

“He’ll be all right now,” he assured Lupin.  “Poppy is very good at what she does.  I happened to get her the most excellent book on wizarding pregnancy for Christmas this year.”

 

Lupin let out a shaky chuckle, but didn’t take his eyes off the bed.  Poppy finally told them that the child needed to be delivered now and that Snape could then be healed of the damage that had happened when the placenta tore.  She allowed Remus to come forward and hold Snape’s hand as she did this.

 

Remus clutched the cold hand in his warm ones and found himself kissing the knuckles without a thought.  He wiped Severus’ sweaty brow and when they heard the baby cry Remus finally looked over to see a bloody, messy infant squalling in Poppy’s arms.  He was unprepared for when she thrust the baby and blankets in his arms and put Snape out so she could work on him without him moving.  She shooed him away from the bed and Lupin found himself staring at the fascinating creature in his arms as he walked absently towards the nearest window. 

 

Albus peaked from behind his shoulder for a moment and then left them alone.  The baby stopped crying as he rocked her gently in his arms and wiped a corner of the blanket over the remaining mess on her face.  It was a girl.  Severus had delivered a healthy looking baby girl.

 

He continued to rock her as she slowly settled down into sleep.  He was reminded of the time he held Harry as a tiny baby.  Lily had insisted he hold Harry and took a picture of him and Sirius standing next to him.  What had happened to that photo?  Lost in the carnage at Godric’s Hallow he supposed.  Sirius.  Remus felt his throat swell as he looked down at the baby.  Sirius had loved Harry as a baby and as a teenager.  And here Remus was holding Sirius’ own baby girl in his arms and Sirius wasn’t here to see her.  Didn’t even know he’d had a child. 

 

Tears streamed down his face and he tried to keep from jostling the baby too much as he sobbed.  She’d never know her other father.  She wouldn’t have a brand new broom for her birthday from him.  Never ride on his shoulders with Sirius making hippogriff noises….  Remus closed his eyes and tried to imagine Sirius with this baby in his arms.  No matter how damaged he’d been in the end he would have loved her completely.  He wouldn’t have drunk himself into a stupor and he would have done anything for his child.  Remus was as sure of this as he was sure of the love he and Sirius had had for each other.

 

“Remus?”  Poppy waited until he cleared his throat and dried his tears before beckoning him to come back to the bed.  “Severus needs his rest, but I’m sure he’ll want to see his daughter before I give him something to help him sleep.”

 

Severus was still far too pale and wan looking, but his eyes were sharp enough as he stared at the blanketed baby in Remus’ arms.  Carefully, he brought the baby over and Severus hesitantly held put a hand out to touch the baby’s cheek.

 

“Oh,” he said quietly.  His eyes were wet, but he blinked hard and forced the tears away.  He nodded and looked up at Remus.  “She’s yours,” he said in a slightly shaky voice before clearing his throat.

 

Albus and the two witches had stepped out of the room so Remus felt free to show a bit of anger at this.

 

“You can give her away so easily?”  How could the man just give up his daughter like this? 

 

Snape pulled his hand back and turned his face away.  “I’m doing it for her.  She needs a good father and no one can know she’s mine.  Albus, Poppy and Minerva will take this secret with them to their graves.  I can only hope you will do the same.”

 

Remus growled softly and tried not to wake the baby in his arms.  If only Poppy would take the baby so he could yell properly to the stubborn man before him.  “She needs her real father.  She only has one left.”

 

Severus was silent.  Remus played his final card.

 

“Besides, there’s a problem with your plan.”

 

Snape finally looked at him, his indifferent mask firmly in place, he raised a black eyebrow and waited.

 

Remus hated talking about this, but it was true and it was a problem.  “You can’t just put my name on the birth certificate and expect everyone to think I just knocked a muggle woman up.  I can’t have children.”

 

Severus’ mask slipped, but he tried to recover, “It’s not public knowledge, Lupin.  It’s not as if they’ll likely ask for a paternity test-”

 

Remus shook his head and cut him off.  “No, don’t you see?  I’m a werewolf, Severus!”

 

“I’m bloody well aware of that, Lupin!” Snape snapped back at him. 

 

Remus sighed and felt his anger deflate, he looked back at the miraculously still sleeping babe in his arms.  “I thought you of all people would be aware of the many laws governing werewolves, Severus.  I was ‘fixed’ years ago.  It’s not openly spoken of and maybe most wizards and witches aren’t aware of it, but all it takes is one curious person – one reporter wanting to look into the fact that Harry Potter’s werewolf friend has a baby all of a sudden…”

 

Severus’ blinked at him, he obviously hadn’t known, either.  “I – Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

 

Sitting down on the char by the bed, he leaned back.  “I don’t know…I thought you’d come to your senses once you saw the baby.  I wasn’t thinking about the logistics of your stupid plan.  But you see now?  I can’t take responsibility.  And no one would let a werewolf simply adopt a child on his own, either.”

 

Severus slumped a bit in the bed and then suddenly clutched his stomach and groaned in pain.  Poppy would be back any moment now and Snape really did need to rest.  But they couldn’t leave it at this.  Remus made a decision.

 

Leaning over, he placed the baby in Snape’s arms, keeping one arm still wrapped around the baby to support her weight, but forced Severus to put his arms up and hold the baby at the same time.

 

“Look at her.  She needs you.  I need you, too, if you care at all…”  Remus leaned in as much as he could from his chair.  Severus’ eyes were riveted on the baby’s face, but he leaned ever so slightly into Remus, too.

 

Severus took a shaky breath.  His arms tightened around the child and one hand gripped Remus’ arm beneath the blanket.  The werewolf smiled and knew he’d won.

 

“You know, we really need to name her – do you have anything chosen?” Remus asked softly, not wanting to break the spell.

 

Severus finally tore his eyes away and looked at him.  “I didn’t dare think about it.  I didn’t want to know if it was a boy or a girl and I thought if I didn’t know I wouldn’t care as much-” his voice broke and he bit his lip, looking back at his daughter.

 

Remus shifted his other arm around Severus’ shoulders and scooted as close as he could, they looked down at the baby together. 

 

“I always liked the name Isabella…” he offered.

 

END

 

 


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Epilogue...
> 
> Thank you to all of you who read this AGES ago on my long gone website at koukla.net and all the new readers who find this. I'm so glad I finished this story.

 

"I could fix the damage done to you, Remus."

 

Remus blinked and looked over at Severus.  "What?" 

 

"I should not promise you certainties...rather, I believe it is possible...though the years may have complicated matters."

 

A growing understanding and horror rose within him as he stared at his lover.  "You mean...you mean the ster-" he couldn't even say the word.  Luckily, he didn't have to - Severus nodded, understanding his inability to finish his sentence.

 

"The sterilization potion they used on you should be easy to negate...and there are potions to help encourage regrowth and healing to the damage..."

 

Remus swallowed over the large lump forming in this throat and struggled to control the raging thoughts and emotions that surged through his head at Severus' calm, matter-of-fact words.  'The sterilization potion' - such horrid memories those words revived.  The smell of the sterile white room he'd been led to by the stern medi-witch - her hands cold and impersonal on his shoulders.  The large bottle of green/black potion and the small cup next to it.  The burning feeling in his throat - his stomach - his private parts...the sound of the rushing blood in his ears as his head pounded and his legs shook at the weird sensations spreading throughout his body.

 

Sterilization.  Such a cold - unemotional - *sterile* word for such a life-changing and horrible decision made for him.  At age seven.

 

His mother had explained to him as best she could - werewolves were dangerous...werewolves could not be allowed to breed and make more werewolves...werewolves must be sterilized by wizard law as soon as they are registered... 

 

It had been an awful lot for him to take in at that age.  He'd had a hard enough time understanding the change his body went through each month and what that meant to his general health and freedom to understand something so complicated and grown up as having children someday.

 

It was another seven years before he really understood just what they had done to him that day.  The law had been repealed only recently, but the damage done to countless werewolves was permanent.  Or so he’d thought.

 

"Remus...Remus, I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have brought it up..."

 

The voice was soft and full of pain and sorrow - it was enough to shock Remus out of his fugue...Severus so rarely apologized or spoke tenderly.  He must have really worried him.

 

"It's okay - it's...what do you mean?  You can undo what they did to me?"  His voice was raspy and dry as if he hadn't had water in days.  Lupin reached for his cup of tea and was surprised when Severus steadied his hand briefly as he picked it up.

 

"Yes...although the damage was done quite some time ago...there might be complications."

 

Remus sipped his tea and tried to wrap his mind around the offer Severus was making him.  "What exactly are you saying here, Severus?  Why would you want to restore my ability to have children?"

 

The other man's eyes narrowed to slits as they always did when he perceived himself as being insulted.  "You wonder why I would want you to be undamaged and whole?  Do I have to remind you of what you are to me?"

 

That made him smile - the pain of the conversation lessening just a bit.  "It wouldn't hurt to remind me once in a while...but that wasn't what I meant.  I meant - why now?  Why 'fix' me in this way?"

 

Severus looked away from him - his eyes slowly drawn to Isabella, playing on the floor with her toys.  He didn't answer.

 

Remus felt his heart skip a beat and he quickly set down his cup before he dropped it.  "Are you suggesting...Severus, look at me," he demanded.

 

His lover hesitated, but finally looked back at him, his back straightening and a mask coming over his emotions as he stared back at Remus.

 

"Severus..." his voice was becoming raspy again, "...are you suggesting what I think you are?"

 

There was a long moment in which Remus was sure Snape was going to deny everything, but as he stared into those black eyes he saw something melt a little and his lover sighed.  "I wasn't suggesting anything...simply offering," he finally said.

 

Remus could feel his heart swell at those words, his eyes were stinging with unshed tears.  "Offering?"

 

Severus sighed and looked back at Isabella.  "I know you love Isabella as if she were your own...and you love young Potter as a godson.  But there is something in seeing a part of yourself in a child...seeing yourself in their smile or their personality as they develop...  I never thought I could feel pride in seeing a child grow up to be like me - in any way, but I do.  And I want you to have that feeling as well.  They took that choice away from you, Remus.  Took away your children...I want to give that back to you."

 

It was too late to stop the tears - they ran unheeded down his cheeks.  Remus reached blindly for Severus' hand tucked inside his robe and found it deep inside a black sleeve and clutched it in his own, silently.  Severus' hand tightened in his clasp and he tugged on Lupin's hand until the werewolf was leaning against him.

 

They sat like that for a long time.  Finally, Isabella began fussing and letting it be known that it was her bedtime and Severus gave his hand one last squeeze before letting go.  He stood and picked up their daughter, heading up the stairs to tuck her in.  Remus watched quietly until they were out of sight.  He then put out the lights and followed them upstairs, peeking in on them in their nighttime ritual.  Severus read a short story in a low, melodic voice - something with a fairy princess and an animagus that turned into a cat.  Little Bella listened avidly to her father read the story, but slowly her eyes drifted shut - long eyelashes against plump cheeks.  Remus quickly tiptoed away towards their bedroom and waited for his lover to come to bed.

 

Severus came in shortly after and stripped off his robe to exchange it for a nightshirt.  He climbed into bed next a naked Lupin and whispered, "nox." 

 

Remus turned to face him in the darkness.  "You want to have another child?" 

 

Severus turned to face him as well, though neither could really see the other's face.  "I'm not looking forward to puking my guts out every morning and watching my ankles swell.  And giving up potions again and peeing ten times at night and getting up at three a.m. to feed a screaming banshee and walk around all day like a zombie..." he snarked back. 

 

There was a moment of silence. 

 

And then:  "But I do want to have *our* child."

 

Remus lay quietly in shock at the admission.  He'd never imagined in a thousand years that he might have a child of his own someday...and certainly not that Severus would be willing to become pregnant again.  For him.  It was a priceless gift.  And the surest declaration of love he could ever hope for from Snape.

 

Leaning forward in the darkness, he found soft lips and kissed them once softly.  Then again, possessively.  He pulled Severus' unresisting body closer to his own and hugged the slight form next to him with all of his strength as he expressed his love and passion with his mouth and hands.

 

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Master and Wolf Fest and answers Challenge #51: Lupin finds out that in a moment of madness brought on by having been cooped up in the house for so long, Sirius had sex with Snape. Now Snape is having the baby that should rightfully have been Lupin and Sirius'.


End file.
